maybe, maybe is not good

Published October 9, 2015 by crystalights

you know

smtimes i wonder.
if i feel like the eldest child, then what’s the use of the eldest child?
maybe if i am the eldest child, then she would listen to me (?)
(and i can swat her out like a fly? haha *evil laughs*)

but i’m not the eldest child.
she is.

and maybe whtever i say is never gonna work, so whatevs.

tak baik pikir mcm ni, kan.

Allah yg takdirkn kn.
aku kena terima.

tak sabar nk start krja again.

so i can have a break frm my real life “reality show” and focus on thngs tht make my parents happy.

so tht i can dream about taking mak to marina bay sands @ singapore (mak saw it on the telly & it looks fascinating). so we want like a proper tourist trip to the lion city. ngeeeee *squeals*


Published February 11, 2014 by crystalights

sometimes i can’t help but feel that even making the effort doesn’t put me anywhere near enough to where i want to be.


” i tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn’t even matter”

in this race against time i can’t help but feel that time is not on my side.

that in a few more years i’ll probably be overripe or underrated for this congested market.

whatever that means.

i’ll face it heads up


love la

Published December 29, 2013 by crystalights

now that i am on holiday,
i think i am truly shutting myself out.


no major work-related, locality-related issues that i want to really think about.


nk log on to “the social network” pn mlas skrg ni sbb nnti nmpak updates frm the rest of Msia/ South East Asia/ world pas tu rase mcm sesak nafas.


jst thought of mentioning: hati2 bkongsi kgembiraan di fb.
sbb tkut2 mnimbulkn iri/ hasad/ envy.

Σ (iri + hasad + envy) = agony (?/!)



it’s just that maybe some people don’t like to be reminded of the things that they don’t have (?)

hmm. but only some people.


the rest of the more secure, happy, & fabulous people are probably too awesome to be bothered by such triviality.



tapi ye la. mgkn boleh m’nyentuh sensitiviti jgk klau org tu b’hempas pulas struggle habis2an baru nk dpt survive truskn hidup dgn s’suap nasi, pas tu ko plak pegi tnjuk statement akaun gaji ko yg baru credit beribu-riban.


sensitivity pun penting.

wlwpun rezeki itu ktntuan Allah t’hdp stiap insan & tk salah kongsi happiness utk mengakui nikmat-Nya, tapi takut2 ada mudharat lain yg lbih besar m’landa.


takut klau dgn statement bank kita yg terpampang tu mnimbulkn rasa tak redha dlm hati org lain terhadap rezeki & takdir yg telah ditentukn ke atas mereka.

sbb “kita” dan “mereka” seummat. mestila kita peduli klau tindakn kita mndekatkn mereka dgn sesuatu yg tidak baik.

tak kisahla walau “mereka” itu sekadar kwn2 biasa yg tak knal rapat pun.



isn’t to love & care is to protect?

and you have not perfected your iman until you have loved your brother/brethren/ummah like you love yourself.



love la like Allah wants you to love.

jgn tahu nk love ikut definisi drama melayu kontemporari je. (rich guy/snobby guy/cold guy meets OTT lovey-dovey chick who tries to turn him into her. THE END).


the fixer

Published October 18, 2013 by crystalights

cleaning up people’s mess is tiring.

i think, no one is really out there for the sole purpose of fixing the mess of other people.
even in Pearson Darby Specter, the “fixer” guy was a fraud.

not only a fraud but a murderer.

in hopes of preventing future mess, i keep giving people hell for the mess they make.

how dare you hurt yourself from your mistakes, thinking that you’re the only one who got hurt.

how dare you be so selfish.

and then as you put your goals above all else you paid them all with everything else around you-
even the things who didn’t deserve to be sacrificed.
things that are not yours to begin with.

i guess this is the kind of life you chose.
and i, along with the rest of the world have to live with it.

ok. ok. stop.

Published June 12, 2013 by crystalights

I actually have a job to get back to.
But since I need a 2nd opinion but no one here can really gimme d stisfaction of an objctve one so here I am.

you said “hbis xxx tk cantik?”
“dia siap ada twins lg, tak pndang yg lain”

it’s not what u say, it’s how u say it.
aku blum hbis ckp lg.
ko slalu tepis ckp aku anytime as if wht I’m saying is pointless.
it’s insulting. offensive. degrading.
even when I disagree with u I never dissed your point so blatantly. I either say something 2 respond or just shut up.

Sometimes I wonder,
what do u want frm me?


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