the resume i sent.
no response so far.
i think i feel okayy now.. my people people are constantly around since i rturned [ it’s like they kinda knew about my emo(!)istic mood ].
and then we found somethng to eat. that always brings up the good mood.
my dad always calls me whn he’s paid my phone bills. or paid my other bills. or put money in my account.
like the one thng that we find the need to talk to each other about is evrythng money-related.
sometimes he really knows what to say when it comes to a lot of thngs.
just the timing is sometimes a little off.
i have to find a person i need to contact for my proposal.
but the location is a bit too far. and i can’t go on weekdays bcause of my classes..and weekends are their holidays. i can’t go and see thm on days other than their workng days.
so i have to try and steal a bit of time off on weekdays..
me n my friends were talkng about thngs and suddenly matters of the heart [ and relationships ] came up.
it was weird(?)
because it wasn’t really on my mind [ for now that is ].
but whn my friends spoke of it, suddenly i was thnking about it too.
and i think; i’m not cut out for that at the moment.
bcause i truly don’t suit any of it right now.
i can’t even find solid ground for my own two feet, let alone find happiness in the hands of a stranger.
i think it’s better that i don’t hurt anyone, and don’t get hurt by anyone.
and ths is strange but i don’t undrstand it myslf, why do i feel so dejected?
i mean, it’s not like we’re close friends or anythng.
we dont even belong in each other’s circle.
but whn i found out that i am one of the last to find out that you’re leavng nxt week, my heart aches.
maybe bcause this is the kind of situation where all my wild guesses and uncertain perceptions has been proven to be so damn true.
that i am never a part of you. of your life.
and even if i was, or i once were..it is no longer that way anymore.
and that no matter what happens between all of us, i will always be the odd one out.
that no matter what i do. it will never be enough.
i will never be enough.
not in your eyes.
thank you for letting me see that clearly.
i feel like my whole life’s a big joke.
and maybe ths is how it will always end.
hanging by a moment for as long as i can.
class’ early tmrow morning.
i’ll carry on, i’ll be okayy.
i’ll wake up tmorrow and not feel it as much as i feel it today.
i won’t come around, i won’t be the one you need.
i won’t be the one you talk about the thngs that you can’t talk about. with anyone but me.
i won’t be the one you wish to see.
but surely i know that i
..won’t be the one to say goodbye. ♣