the intrnet is soo slow tnight.
i need to dwload my wrk frm my email but it’s so hard whn the cnnection’s so slow..
i’ve been tryng to open my mail since like almst hlf an hour ago.
what i have to say for this weekend is that
i am surprised
by your persistence.
even when you knew what’s on my plate.
even when [i think] you know the heavy load i carry on my shoulders.
but it’s okay.
i can carry this.
even when you’re soo expectant and unrelenting.
and this prson who’s barely around
you surprised me too.
i thought that i’m already used to it
because you’re always disappearing
but this time u just topped it all.
you’re amazingly invisible.
i can’t believe you just disappeared on me. again.
i feel like there’s nothing left to give.
i can hardly believe that in the moments which i have barely enough to give, i still find myslf pushed into giving. the remaining pieces of me and my energy.
today wasn’t so bad.
we went to visit a few houses.
by the end of the day it hurts so much i can barely walk.
i’m not even sure what happened.
i used to be able to eat more [than today’s amount of eating].
suddenly i feel so old.
this is not good.
i was in the middle of some workstuff before we left this morning
and again in the middle of proofreading after we returned a few hours ago tnight.
i think, if it wasn’t for tday’s outing
i would probably be swamped with a very dreary, monotonous weekend.
i mean, no offence, but
there’s gotta be more to life
it felt like a long time since we had one of these.
and although there weren’t that many of us who went along, but still
at least i’m outside for a bit.
even if it’s just for a day.
there’s this feeling you get when you’re riding backseat in a car and looking out the window and the wind blows and touches your skin.
and then you try to see as far as your eyesight allows you.
and even when you’re dead tired, there’s still this feeling of having somethng to look forward to : perhaps your next destination.
on our way back we went past the “Look-Out-Point” tower.
and because it’s on top of a high land the view from above when looking down on the city was remarkable.
it was amazing.
although we weren’t exactly on the tower, when the car drives past that point we could all see how splendid it looked from the view of the window of our car.
it was beautiful.
but still so beautiful. at that time of the night.
i feel that maybe.. it wasn’t the lights of the city that made the view so spectacular.
maybe, it’s the darkness of the night that made the city lights sparkle.
because you don’t really see it during the day – even when it’s there.
but at night it just glows in its splendour.
that could be the kind of place where your heart yearns for the most warmth that you could possibly reach for.
because nights can be cold.
especially in moments such as these.
am i finally losing my mind?
am i about to lose my heart?
have i ever lost my heart?
is my heart really here with me. or have i been lost without even realizing the loss?