all the difference in the world

Published October 26, 2009 by crystalights

 

my yesterdays are all boxed up

and neatly put away

but every now and then you come to mind

 

remember when we were kids and we almost lost you in the deep end of that waterfall?

but then we found you. we did.

we were out there together before.

though i can’t say the same for now.

 

at that time of my life it was always a joy having people fill up the house. and seeing evrybody there.

that was until we all grew up and grew out of it.

then it became some sort of rivalry.

you may not know but my whole life since i was young i knew that i can’t lose. to you.

not to you.

that was how i was raised.

to never be less than who you were. who you are.

 

of course, we weren’t exactly the best of friends.

you were the more artistically inclined, socially persuasive, continously adored person.

while i had to explain evrything that i do or anythng that i had accomplished because it was really that illogical for someone like me to be able to achieve. anything. in their eyes.

even in your eyes.

i can read you like a book.

you were always so obvious. 

like picking out the differences between our schools, or the standards of examinations in our country, you were always so crystal. clear.

about how you look at me. and us.

and i almost fell for that story that you have in your head about me, the way that i believed in magic when i was 7 years old [which was also because of you].

i was that gullible.

and you were that manipulative.

 

and then we went our separate ways.

for now i can truly say that it was quite a relief.

 

i don’t think it’s healthy for me to be near you.

because that was where i used to lose touch with myslf.

 

and now that i hear of you and your life’s development, i can’t help but feel that it wasn’t really over between us. this rivalry that i have in my head, it’s begging for my attention.

 

and it’s hard to be at peace with myslf, knowing that you still didn’t know the things that i am now a part of, that i have done and is about to do.

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