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All posts for the month November, 2009

too close for comfort

Published November 30, 2009 by crystalights

 

 

oh my god.

tdi balik dri jmputan knduri.

pas tu tk sngaje t’calarkn kreta ayah. dpn mate dier plak tu.

berkerut muke dier tgok.

konon nk tlg ttup pgar, tk prasan plak kereta tu tk msuk btul. dh la mse tu tgh m’bebel2 kt adik psl smthng. tibe2 pang(!) skali calar.

pas tu ape lg. psan kt ayh sruh msukkn kreta lg skit, then trus lari lintang pukang msuk rmh.

smpaila skrg tk kluar2 bilik.

hahaha2

 

smtimes i don’t undrstand.

 

mlm smlm borak2

tibe2 topik tu timbul lg.

ade org tu mcm nk jd matchmaker la gayenye

telling me that i should start searching.

siap nk knalkn ngn someone yg dier rse sesuai

 

i seriously don’t undrstand this need to be with anyone.

so i kinda said that i can take all the time in the world bcause this is not a task and i don’t have to follow datelines.

 

rse tak ksah pn klw org lain nk think about it, but for myslf, i don’t want to.

i don’t want to even talk about it.

 

when people are too close to each other, evrythng gets a little more complicated.

there’s always somethng that’s holding you back.

and sometimes in life you can’t afford to be held back by circumstances, by relations, or by people.

and then somethng or someone tells you where you should stand or who you should be.

and the balance you hold in the universe just tilts so dangerously.

 

i may not have all the experience in the world.

but jst look around you and see what has happened

people can hardly be fair and just in situations where relations are involved.

like you can’t do what you feel should be done because of the ones you are emotionally bound to.

 

because emotions affect judgement

that is inevitable.

why do you think some people get away with things that they should be accountable for, but some people have yet to get what they deserve?

because in intimate relations between people, there’s always somethng that you put out to stay in

to be part of this thing

 

like risking your roles and responsibilities

where logic is gone and replaced with hope and fantasy

and maybe in the spur of the moment even when you know that it’s wrong you don’t ever want to be right

because being right doesn’t really matter when there’s always that dream that carries you somewhere

anywhere

as long as you’re in

this thing

 

people speak of it and feel like it’s right

like it’s worth forsaking logic and reason

and responsibilities and duties

and that is where

in another part of another system

in the same universe

evrythng collapses under the weight of this thing that you have between you

 

because

when you’re too close for comfort

something’s got to give

 

and you can’t have evrythng in this world

all at the same time

 

you can’t have perfect relations and unimpaired judgement

all at the same time

 

and you can’t say for sure that you will not jeopardize what you must do and should do when it comes to what you have in your relations between people

 

like how you can’t have 10 different shirts in the closet and like them all the same

 

there has got to be 1 shirt that you like more than the rest.

 

because you are human

 

and that is inevitable.

 

ramble

Published November 29, 2009 by crystalights

 

 

we’re supposed to contnue watchng that drama tnight.

 

but i however am in the middle of reading so i made her wait.

 

anyway.

tghari td mkn nasi lauk asam pedas ikan merah [+ etc].

ade org hntr lauk siang td.

so mase nk cedok tu my dad sruh amek rse dlu.

org pn amekla skit. rse2.

tpi ade rse laen skit.

rse mcm bukan ikan baru.

 

then my litle sistr comes along dan mule cedok lauk tu jgak.

dier pn strt mkn and ckp : okayy je. tkde anythng yg tk elok pn.

 

and then we strted going on and off about the fish.

 

well, it’s not that i’m cmplaining. i mean, tau la itu lauk org bagi, tkpela. klw nk mkn mkn je. klw tk nk sudah.

tkdela nk cmplain ke ape.

tpi whn she says that nothng’s wrong with that fish i don’t know if my tastebuds are overreacting.

 

is there somethng wrong with my tastebuds or what.

 

kt rmh pn dh lame tk msak.

i jst don’t feel like fightng for the kitchen with my mom.

bcause two can’t rule one kitchen. haha.

 

tak la mcm tu.

cume kite jdi assistnt je ckupla [wlwpn tk brape membantu sgt pn].

huhu.

 

citer ape ni kt tv3 ridiculousnye.

beriye mamat ni tk nk kahwin ngn minah tu tpi  dh dpt kahwin pregnant jgk sang isteri tu.

pas tu dh pregnant nk bwat tk peduli plak.

 

typical.

 

whatever~

good food + great occasion = self indulgence!

Published November 28, 2009 by crystalights

 

 

i’m waiting for my litle sistr.. we’re watchng “attention please” tnight.

it’s been quite a while since we had any of those k-drama / j-drama nights.

 

so this is my weak attempt at fending off sleep while i wait for her to be ready.

 

anyway.

semalam hari ni hari raya haji!

by the end of the night, i have choked twice [within 24 hours], changed outfits 3 to 4 times, and eaten quite an extensive list of menu.

 

i wasn’t exactly sure of what happened.

just remember chewing and trying to swallow but stopped swallowing in the middle of it to chew some more.

and then poof(!)

i was choking and wiping my teary eyes.

 

my fmily watches that “nur kasih” drama.

tnight last episode, kn.

[siap lari gi 7-elevn bfore 9p.m sbb tk nk t’lepas].

prsonally, i don’t really follow that drama, maybe bcause it seems a bit long.

i don’t really know a lot about that story.

habis je drama tu t’tibe kene b’siap nk gi beraye lg.

kite pn ape lg, dlm keadaan b’bju tido tu, capai je la ape2 yg dpt dlm almari tu.

sekali tgok2 b’siap pkai bju msjid mkcik yg labuh tu dgn tdung hitam mak.

tgok gaye dh mcm nur la plak [ceh, konon].

ala, maybe jst sbb tk pnah pkai cam 2 kot.

 

tpi mcm.. okay la.

boleh la layan klw kene pkai mcm tu lg.

sbb ader rse selesa.

 

anyway.

 

menu best hari ni would probably be :

ketupat palas [yg ori] + serunding daging.

 

sygnye cume dpt mkn 1 je sbb tk byk yg t’hidang + orgnye ramai.

 

mule2 mak mcm mls nk borak so i did all the talking to that makcik.

[siap tanye pantang org bersalin lg tu. pdahal tkde sape pn yg nk bersalin atau baru bersalin kt rmh tu].

pelik2.

bukannye ape, cume t’pkir  dlm hti : dh dtg rmh org takkan nk bwat diam je.

tu yg berjela2 borak ngn mkcik tu.

 

tpi tk lame pn.

sbb rse pelik and then mak pn take over.

 

but sriously.

smtimes makciks and pakciks are easier to deal with than youthful adolescents and full-grown adults.

 

i rest my case.

 

[i need more lemang / ketupat palas / whatever. jst need somethng that’s glutinous and ricey].

 

[jst. more!]

 

writing for the sake of writing

Published November 27, 2009 by crystalights

 

 

tak perlu dipaksa

tak perlu dicari

kerna ku yakin ada jawabnya

 

honestly.

i don’t think i even have time for that.

 

tgh tgok ulangan konsert 3 diva.

 

such beautiful songs.

 

jap2.

pehal nk ckp psl that 4-lettered word plak.

i don’t know.

somethng about how it’s been floating in the air.

 

anyway.

 

i went through my mini transcript and realize that i have 9 painful credit hours left to fulfill in order for me to graduate.

insyaAllah.

 

i managed to calm down a bit, though that is very rare and i still have this uneasy feeling.

although i’m still worrying like a worrywart.

 

but i will calm down. now.

 

so let’s talk about somethng else.

 

 

misteri hidup akankah menghilang

dan bahagia di akhir cerita

 

i went blog-hopping [bcause of my sister].

 

and i have decided that not evryone blogs for the same reason.

 

and that some people still blog even when they don’t exactly have anythng to blog about.

but that is another story which i don’t wish to comment on because evryone has evry right to blog on their own blog, no matter how unusual their entry is. 

 

cume terpkir.

klw kerane pengikut yg ramai buatkn diri rase sgt trpanggil menulis, adakah penulisan mengikut pengikut, ataupn pengikut mengikut penulisan?

 

tk taula.

tpi rse sgt syg klw somethng yg kite suke tpkse ikut somethng yg org suke.

sbb tu kn blog kite.

penulisan kite.

ape yg dtg dlm hati bile kite menulis bukan ke hanye kerane dan hanye utk diri kite sndiri?

 

that is what i think.

i don’t know about evryone else.

 

maybe some people feel differently.

 

anyway.

moving along to our special occasion~

 

esok raye haji!

sbnrnye dh msuk dh harinye, dh lepas tgh mlm pn.

 

so

selamat menyambut hari raya haji ♣

 

semoga raya haji kali ini membawa ketenangan hati utk semua.

because that’s my mom

Published November 24, 2009 by crystalights

 

 

i really need to go to the bathroom.

 

but i really need to write this down.

 

my mom always fusses over me and my constant worrying and extended concern over other people’s wellbeing. she thinks i don’t have to be like that and go all the way just to care about the people around me.

i’m not that caring.

well maybe a little bit, but worrying is more of a habit.

i worry about people sometimes, and then i try to come up with things for them in order for me to ease my worry.

it’s not somethng that i’m thrilled to do, it’s just that sometimes old habits die hard.

 

well.

as much as my mom says that sort of thngs to me, i think deep inside i know that i’m only like this because of her.

because even though she says that, she always cares the most.

in every single thing.

 

my mom is out, looking for her friend. the one who came here like an hour ago for that song downloads.

 

apparently, her friend didn’t return home even though she left our place shortly after our little conversation.

 

so her husband came here to look for her.

he tried calling but the phone’s out of reach.

but she left about an hour ago.

and she’s not there at her only other friend that she’ll ever visit.

 

she’s missing.

 

in the beginning i was thinking: she’s like as old as my mom, she knows how to take care of herself and of course she knows her way back home.

 

but then my mom insisted on going out to look for her.

she was really worried and unsettled and so i told her that she should just go and find her missing friend.

because i don’t think she’ll be at peace sitting here and wondering about where her friend could be.

 

because that’s how she is.

 

and that’s what my mom’s like.

 

the one who cares the most.

 

puzzled.

Published November 24, 2009 by crystalights

 

 

oh my god.

 

my mom’s friend came here to find people to download songs.

 

and not jst any song, she even brought along her own list.

 

and here i am sitting in the living room being part of this conversation btween my prnts and her.

 

 

wait a minute.

 

 

how did i get here?