Published November 24, 2009 by crystalights



because this is my blog i think i’ll say whatever i want to say.


i’m angry and tired and i don’t deal with people very well when i’m in this kind of mood.


people who really know me tend to react normally to this and jst go along with it and go along with things like evrythng’s prfectly normal while i scream and shout and whine in the background.

they don’t ask.

they don’t comment.

they jst let me have my screaming+emo moments while they talk and have normal conversations with a screamo me.

normal as in they talkng and me screaming.

if i can’t scream then i’m gonna have to need a lot of crying.

if i can’t cry then i sing.

and if not then maybe i’ll read. some overly complicated melancholic piece of writing that breaks my heart to pieces.

or perhaps i’ll write. somewhere. like what i’m doing right now.

in whichever way, i  have my outlet and my release.

that’s jst how i deal with thngs.

and those people who really know me lets me deal with it the way i want to, no matter how weird a screamo+talking cnversation sounds like.

they jst let me. be.

and i think i like that. unless in situations where i really feel like listening to someone’s response on that matter – then i’m gonna need someone to really respond. then i’ll ask and i’ll listen and i’ll scream less.


talking is a foreign task sometimes.

i don’t do well talking in these selective moments.

screaming or whining is easy, but talking gets difficult at a time like this.

especially not to people.

no matter if it’s on the phone or face to face.


so i really don’t like it when people assume that they know me and my situation.


and start telling me what i should do, react or feel.


and don’t tell me things that you think i need to hear.

especially if you’re jst too damn unconvincing. in all that crap.


so it’s okay.

you can save your phone credits while i save on my phonebills.


bcause no matter in what form, it is still money.

and i still have to pay.


because i floss on my own dough.

i don’t have the capacity to dig and floss on others.

and even if i was given enough dough to floss on, it’s not that easy for me to bring myslf to do it.

because that’s not my dough, i didn’t earn it with my own hands.

what right do i have to floss it and flaunt it as if it’s mine?

what, do i not have some sense of honour to honour another soul’s sweat and blood?

am i really that kind of a self-centred bloodsucker?


so if i’m not a bloodsucker then why should i allow myslf to be blood-sucked by bloodsuckers?


of course people want money. people work for money. people save money.

evryone [i know] wants to have their fair share of having money in their hands.

well so do i.

so why should i spend my money so that you could save yours?


can you be any more transparent?

because it looks like i can see through you.


i guess your camouflage needs a lot more practice and upgrading.


good luck with that.



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