oh my god.
tdi balik dri jmputan knduri.
pas tu tk sngaje t’calarkn kreta ayah. dpn mate dier plak tu.
berkerut muke dier tgok.
konon nk tlg ttup pgar, tk prasan plak kereta tu tk msuk btul. dh la mse tu tgh m’bebel2 kt adik psl smthng. tibe2 pang(!) skali calar.
pas tu ape lg. psan kt ayh sruh msukkn kreta lg skit, then trus lari lintang pukang msuk rmh.
smpaila skrg tk kluar2 bilik.
smtimes i don’t undrstand.
mlm smlm borak2
tibe2 topik tu timbul lg.
ade org tu mcm nk jd matchmaker la gayenye
telling me that i should start searching.
siap nk knalkn ngn someone yg dier rse sesuai
i seriously don’t undrstand this need to be with anyone.
so i kinda said that i can take all the time in the world bcause this is not a task and i don’t have to follow datelines.
rse tak ksah pn klw org lain nk think about it, but for myslf, i don’t want to.
i don’t want to even talk about it.
when people are too close to each other, evrythng gets a little more complicated.
there’s always somethng that’s holding you back.
and sometimes in life you can’t afford to be held back by circumstances, by relations, or by people.
and then somethng or someone tells you where you should stand or who you should be.
and the balance you hold in the universe just tilts so dangerously.
i may not have all the experience in the world.
but jst look around you and see what has happened
people can hardly be fair and just in situations where relations are involved.
like you can’t do what you feel should be done because of the ones you are emotionally bound to.
because emotions affect judgement
that is inevitable.
why do you think some people get away with things that they should be accountable for, but some people have yet to get what they deserve?
because in intimate relations between people, there’s always somethng that you put out to stay in
to be part of this thing
like risking your roles and responsibilities
where logic is gone and replaced with hope and fantasy
and maybe in the spur of the moment even when you know that it’s wrong you don’t ever want to be right
because being right doesn’t really matter when there’s always that dream that carries you somewhere
as long as you’re in
people speak of it and feel like it’s right
like it’s worth forsaking logic and reason
and responsibilities and duties
and that is where
in another part of another system
in the same universe
evrythng collapses under the weight of this thing that you have between you
when you’re too close for comfort
something’s got to give
and you can’t have evrythng in this world
all at the same time
you can’t have perfect relations and unimpaired judgement
all at the same time
and you can’t say for sure that you will not jeopardize what you must do and should do when it comes to what you have in your relations between people
like how you can’t have 10 different shirts in the closet and like them all the same
there has got to be 1 shirt that you like more than the rest.
because you are human
and that is inevitable.