before the cake was cut : a wedding perspective.

 

remember when i talked about the wedding invitation i received by mail?

the dark blue one with matte gold writings on white paper.

i actually arrived at the wedding last week.

♣

it was

quite an event.

but unfortunately, i didn’t stay for long.

i left before the cake-cutting ceremony, right after the 10th gown [aftr the bride’s wardrobe change].

♣

it’s not that i didn’t wanna see it, it’s jst that i’m not sure if i can handle seeing it.

you see, it’s hard to describe it but i was afraid that i’m ruining the wedding or the wedding’s ruining me.

♣

don’t get me wrong, the wedding was pretty amazing.

the setting was amazing

the food was amazing

the mood is amazing

and the wedding ring was AMAZING. [diamonds are a girl’s best friend].

this is a big day, for every one of us.

she’s my close friend.

i was there when she got engaged, i carried one of the trays with the engagemnt gift items.

back then we were only 19-20 yr olds.

and 2 yrs later now that i finally arrived at her home seeing her in her gown and veil and tiara and flowers in her hands, it felt unbelievably surreal.

♣

this highschool friend of mine who sat next to me in the same class whn we were just young and fifteen. and she was the school prefect and i was the never-ending tardy student [who always ran out of stationeries and borrowed hers like ALWAYS]. we celebrated our birthdays in the school cmpound with the rest of the group and had our extra classes on weekends in that same school.

so when i arrived at her wedding reception, it felt like i’m stepping into a scene of my imagination. they were in the middle of their photo session and i was just there, tryng to grasp the reality of her wedding.

of this girl who is already someone’s wife.

she looks so happy and content and because of that, i’m happy for her too.

my friend has finally moved on and found her true calling.

♣

so

wht does that make me?

note to self : don’t go to weddings alone [especially if it’s your close friend’s wedding].

i was lucky that my self-cntrol held back my urge to cry.

because this wedding makes me feel a little nostalgic, a little sentimental.

i should have brought someone with me.

♣

well i guess i was overwhelmed at how evrythng around me seems to change in the blink of an eye while my life seems to still be at a standstill.

and then i realized that maybe it’s because my entire life i’ve been fighting to make sure that nothing’s changed. that i could make things stay permanent.

isn’t it strange how such a happy occasion could stir up strange feelings frm within me?

maybe there is somethng wrong with me.

♣

i feel like i’m still swimming thru the waves but the shore seems to be farther and farther away.

and i still have yet to reach my destination.

♣

to my friend :

congratulations on your wedding. may you always be blessed with love and happiness.

and sorry that i missed the cake-cutting ceremony.

if i wasn’t so pressed for time i would gladly spend the night.

but because there are so many things that are unsettled, i had to leave [well, THAT and a bunch of other emotionally unstable matters.. but that is another story to be told perhaps in another time].

so there.

your wedding was amazing

but because i was not

i had to go before my tears ruin your big day.

i’m sorry but thank you for letting me be a part of this grand occasion ♣

^__^

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