and suddenly she said something like this:
her: kalau sume guys camni means i’m not getting married, la.
her: and you..you’re NEVER gonna get married. *full of conviction*
me: i know *giggles*
i guess i don’t really think about it that much.
i think about how much money i have to pay for the week, how much money left in my bank account, how and where i can save or earn money.
i think about what i’m doing at work for the week, how many tasks i can finish in 5 days, and how fast i can go wthout over-running the dateline.
i think about what i have to do next for my project papers, how to get materials/texts for my research, how to carry-out an acceptable paper.
i think about how to graduate, what to do after graduation, where to go from there onwards.
i think about what i can do for the people at home so that i can make up for all the years which i wasn’t there for them.
i think about how much my whole education has burnt a huge hole in my dad’s wallet.
i think about how to pay for my own bills and living expenses so that that hole can finally be sealed.
i think about how much i take frm them and have still not given back (yet).
of course he never said anything. he never implied anything in that direction. he just delivers and fulfills.
but if i don’t give back and don’t care then i’m just like any other creature living off another’s life for free.
and what will that make me (?)
for now (and the next few years to come), marriage would be a luxury. to me.
it would be something that i couldn’t afford to do (financially, mentally, emotionally) at the moment, bcause my priority lies with so many other things for now.
bcause my whole life is indebted to so many other parties, that i don’t feel like i have a right to indulge in that luxury which i call : marriage.
yes, marriage is something that we are encouraged to do, that we are asked to do in our lifetime.
but for me, i don’t think it’s wrong to hold it for a bit longer, until the right time comes to finally settle into marriage.
bcause marriage is a commitment. and i have so many commitments for now i don’t think i should bite off more than i can chew.
but that is all in my honest opinion, for my own unsignificant little life, and my so-called stand on priorities.
anybody else might think differently, so it doesn’t really matter what i think.
if you don’t like what i’m saying then you don’t have to read/hear me talk about it.
and that is how you can prioritize your time. by reading somethng else that is of greater significance to you, somethng other than my writings.
one more thing
if you do decide to get married then by all means, go for it then. i’m not discouraging you, this is not an anti-marriage propaganda.
do not blame me for any “wedding postphoned”.
i’m just putting my thoughts into words.