when i was in kindergarten, i was one of the fortunate baby ducklings in “the ugly duckling” stage play at my school’s concert day.
i had yellow feathers clipped on my head, wearing a yellow dress and fiery red lipstick.
i wasn’t scared.
i was excited.
even though i was a character with no lines.
i was happy.
we also had the aerobics group performance. i wanted to be in the fan dance performance, but somehow i ended up in the aerobics performance. the teacher put me in the front row.
when the performance day arrived, we went on stage and did our thing. (literally. our thing).
because apparently all of us kinda forgot our routines halfway through the song. so me (myself) being the frontman the girl at the front, began to move to my own reinvented steps (and the rest of the kids at the back followed).
it was a strange save.
and then suddenly
it was time for the photo-taking session (and i don’t know why i got soo nervous)
cameras were flashing everywhere and we were standing on stage according to class
i was so freaking nervous that i fidgeted, twitched and picked my nose!
it was unbelievably one of the most embarassing moments of my kindergarten life.
and the pictures all have me touching my nose!
it was horrible.
and i don’t even have a copy of those pics (because that person who took them doesn’t seem to want to share).
the thing is that when i was the baby duckling and the aerobics front-girl, i didn’t really realize that there is a hall full of people watching.
i didn’t quite realize that there is quite an audience.
it was only me in my own little 5 years old world, trying to move like a duckling. and an aerobic-loving kid.
i was only the little duckling swimming in a huge pond.
but now that i’m almost 23 doing things that i have to do (whether or not i want to), sometimes i missed that innocent 5 years old little world of mine.
because when you get older, it isn’t that easy for you to speak the truth and not having to lie about everything.
sometimes i always end up wondering why i end up where i ended up in.
and maybe life is a puzzle
which may never be completed.