All posts for the month May, 2010

makan hati

Published May 31, 2010 by crystalights


when i sit at home i want to eat home-cooked food.

i don’t want to eat take-outs.

i don’t know why.

but i feel so dissapointed.

kalau tak pandai masak pun takpe asalkan masak dgn penuh kesungguhan.

aku boleh terima ape2 shj yg dtg dgn penuh kesungguhan.

bukannye aku nak makan sgt.

tapi just mcm mengharap.. nak mkn home-cooked food from a home.

do you know what it feels like to only cook something and eat it by yourself?

rase tak best sgt.

makan sendiri punye masakan.

dahla esok nak pegi dah.

ari ni pun makan masakan sendiri.

kalau aku nak masak untuk diri sendiri, bile2 pun boleh masak. bukannye penting sgt pun masak untuk diri sendiri.

lain la kalau masak untuk org.

kalau masak untuk org lain, takde org tolong pun takpe.

aku rase happy mcm tu. asalkan ade org lain makan masakan aku, itu dah cukup.


aku tau ni nampak mcm aku yg fussy pasal makanan but the truth is aku disappointed.

wouldn’t you feel the same if it was you who hadn’t had anything for the whole day and this is your first meal?


perlu ke aku bukak mulut dan minta.

itu satu bnda yg aku memang tak suke nak buat.




Published May 28, 2010 by crystalights


dahla aku dah ader planning sendiri.

pas tu terpakse adjust to accomodate to your needs

pas tu kau satu benda kecik pun tak boleh nak buat.

dahla aku yg kene make sure kau sampai at the right place at the right time

dah la aku terpakse ketepikan urusan aku sendiri semate-mate sbb nak dahulukan perancangan kau

dahla aku tak keje mcm kau

kau tak boleh nak berfikir ke?

kau betul2 menyusahkan aku

dan aku rase tak berbaloi satu sen pun aku nak buat sume ni demi kau

aku tak nak la wei

aku tak paham nape hidup kau yg dah sedia senang ni pun boleh jadi penyebab nak menyusahkan hidup aku yg masih merangkak ni

aku nak buat keje pun tergendala

klau tak aku dh pergi dah this week

kau pun bukannye tahu atau peduli

kau cume fikir kau je yg nak go somewhere, take a few days off work, jalan2 makan angin

kau ingat ni holiday ke?

if i don’t get to do what i want what makes you think that i’ll give you what you want?


get the fuck out


aku buat sume ni pun sbb dier.

sbb aku tak suke bagi org harapan pas tu tak jadi (macam kau)


secubit rasa

Published May 27, 2010 by crystalights


aper masalahnye. aku tak boleh tanye ke?

i was there from the beginning, don’t i at least deserve to know?

at least bile balas (beberape hari kemudian) tu jawabla soalan aku.

so do i have to ask the same questions multiple times and give a few days just for you to respond with something that doesn’t even answer my question but is another request itself?

ingat aku ni ape?

aku bukannye nak mendesak something yg diluar kemampuan atau keinginan kau la

aku cume tak nak kau tertinggal

ko tak paham ke ikhlas tu aper

klau sume org assume yg aku akan give a damn about everybody’s affairs then seriously, i have to say this right now:

i don’t.

at least not all the time.

but the ones who somehow found their way to my door, i don’t push them away.

because there has to be a reason why they’re there and not somewhere else.

maybe destiny has placed them with me for a cause

and i accept that.

really, i do.

because i believe in these things.

so if i give my heart and soul for something i would want to know if that something lives and grows

i deserve at least that much

i don’t care if it looks very self-centred and demanding

but i think it’s fair when you give your time and energy to something which isn’t even yours

you have to understand that every single time you take something from someone they have a share in it too

that’s the whole deal

don’t take things and people for granted

you won’t have the same people

or the same things forever


life isn’t easy

not everything is prepared and delivered at your doorstep

not everyone will stop and look after you

it’s not a fairytale

no clear endings

no guarantee

no promises


anyone can leave or be left behind

even if you don’t. leave. people behind.

they just might leave you


the facebook story

Published May 27, 2010 by crystalights


isn’t a social-networking site just a social-networking site?

you go there to socialize, right?

so what’s the problem?

what is it that makes it such a big deal about whether or not you have the ultimate 100% privacy control in such sites?

they’re social-networking sites.

in the real world, you can pick who you wanna socialize with.

in the cyber world, everything mingles with everything else.

there is no such thing as a 100% safe social-networking.

so either you stop it altogether, or you moderate yourself on how much personal information you put out on your own accord.

you see? it really counts down to you.

how much you show and tell is really your choice.

if you really wanna keep every single thing private then i really think it’s funny that you’re actually utilizing a social-networking site.

because it’s human nature.

people show what they are and then they socialize.

if they don’t then they won’t.

it’s that simple. no one can force you to put your private details on your site without your consent,

you’re not blindfolded, drugged, or hypnotized.

so if any of that somehow shows up when you really wanna shut it off, then well, what else can you do? you hate that there’s no privacy but you love the socializing too much now to let it go.

and somehow the love-hate relationship grows

so you decide to quit this particular social-networking site

but not before you gather all your network people and join another social-networking site, right?

and then the vicious cycle starts again.


it doesn’t tire you out because underneath all that, this is what you want.

this is your choice.

so go ahead and complain to the rest of the friggin’ world about your site woes or internet hoax

when in reality you know you’d go through all that again if it means that you get to be the main role of that “exciting” virtual world again.


aren’t we all just a pawn in the whole game?

the worst part is that we willingly move forward to play that game.



Published May 27, 2010 by crystalights



up until now i still have no idea who won american idol and i honestly don’t care.

they’re good singers and all but i really don’t feel the “finale material” vibe.

in fact, i was surprised that both crystal and lee made the cut.

they’re singing what they’re good at but more singers can sing that good in what they’re good at too, AND more.

i don’t feel the idol aura.

it’s like i could just go there and meet anyone on the streets who could sing like they did and not give off any different feeling than the feel that they both give off. 

there is no magic.

and it seems like maybe voters these days are mostly into choosing the more ordinary ones and then feel like ordinary people like the rest of the population can be an idol too.

you know.

the truth in reality tv: wouldn’t we like to believe that someone like us can have a shot at greatness too?

taylor hicks won american idol.

yeah. and kris allen.

and then another.



what does that say about reality tv now?


random scribbles on a tuesday.

Published May 25, 2010 by crystalights


it’s late afternoon/early evening~

normally at this time of the day we’ll be sitting around together figuring out what to eat

..and then deciding about a few hours later.


we’ll probably have something like this

noodles + seafood/seasnacks + veges with spicy tom yam gravy brewing in a hot pot and served with two separate sauces


but now that i’m far out

we don’t have this dish here, huhu.


suddenly teringat sbb nmpak udang goreng tadi, huhu.

(tapi tak bleh makan lg. blom time).



malam ni berusaha utk tido awal (esok try bangun pagi. fighting!)


sementare tu, layan budak ni tgok2 mjlh pengantin;

her: “wei, suami dier tinggi giler pas tu isteri dier pendek

          giler!” (sambil gelak ala2 halilintar)

me: “taklah. agaknye s’tanjak dier yang buat dier nampak tinggi


her: “tak wei, isteri dier ni memang gnome!” (sambil gelak

          xtra giler)


her: “wei, malu gile wei amek gamba mcm ni pas tu hantar kat


me: “aper yg malunyer? ni lagi malu” (sambil tnjuk gmbar

          pengantin naik basikal)


her: “omg! wei tgok ape dier pakai ni-“


and then she finally finishes the whole magazine and says:

“nampaknye nanti bile aku nak kahwin nanti aku kene design baju kahwin aku sendiri la”.


suddenly i remembered my friend’s wedding gift preparation

(the bodyshop spa set with a matching towel)

according to traditional malay culture, the groom will give their wedding gifts for the bride on trays (in odd numbers) to the bride on the wedding day, and the bride will respond by sending their prepared set of wedding gifts for the groom (also in odd numbers, but more than the number that the groom gave).

so if the groom gives 7 trays of gifts, the bride must give 9 or 11 or 13 and so on (because the numbers must be an odd number).



well, the interesting part would be the type of gifts that the bride and the groom puts for each other.

the more traditional ones would be quality fabrics to make the “baju kurung”

or pretty cakes and artsy biscuits

but the more modern ones are electronical gadgets like the i-phone or a PDA


weddings are rather elaborate

and cultures enrich them, don’t you think?