once upon a time and now

Published May 11, 2010 by crystalights

 

(flashback) 

once upon a time when i was 13:

“you wrote this? *muke tak percaye*

“i thought you got it from the internet-“

.

(fast forward to 24 hours ago)

once upon a time when i was (almost) 23:

“betul awak buat ni?” *muke unenthusiastic*

“…” *senyap sambil selak mukesurat*

.

sejarah berulang-ulang.

dah 10 tahun tapi scene yg same, cume org je berbeza.

aku bosan.

sistem pendidikan malaysia dari bangku sekolah sampai ke universiti memang~ sgt predictable.

you can never be good enough to be different than anybody else.

tak percaye?

dah byk pun (org yg tak percaye dgn aku)

sbb aku bukan extra-ordinary

aku cume mediocre, sub-par, plain dan terlalu sgt biase.

aku takde ape2 pun yg wajar diberi perhatian.

.

mase sekolah rendah ader sorg budak ckp aku ni dpt nombor mcm tu sbb standard kat skolah aku senang, tak mcm sekolah dier.

mase kat skolah menengah org ckp aku dpt grade mcm tu sbb aku pergi home tuition.

mase kat matric aderla sorang ustad ni ckp aku “belom tentu masuk universiti”.

org yg kenal background aku plak ckp aku tahu berbahase inggeris sbb aku slalu pergi travel ke tempat bukan mlayu sejak kecik dan disumbat di skolah bukan mlayu mase tadika.

and the truth is that aku tak pernah argue bila org ckp mcm tu pada aku.

sbb aku percaye dan terima semuenye. dari kecik sampai sekarang, lebih dua dekad kemudian.

aku rase aku ni budak biase yg takde ape2 dan ape yg aku ader hanya berlaku kerane keadaan. nasib. fitrah. lahiriyah kehidupan seorang aku.

so aku memang tak argue.

tapi tau tak dalam semue tu, org yg slalu argue pasal ni is my family.

my dad.

dier yg argue against it.

.

so

how do you become who you are, exactly?

is it because of the things that you are made of

or the things that make you, you?

.

what makes me the way i am?

how does it feel to be different from me-

are we the same?

.

what makes us so different?

.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: