one two three four days

Published June 17, 2010 by crystalights

 

so i went for the interview on monday.

it was my first official job interview after finishing my 4-year study.

the office was small and quiet, with wooden tables and furnitures. there were several windows covered with old-styled blinds instead of curtains, and smooth wooden doors with a few centimetres gap underneath the door where the interviewer was supposed to be in.

from outside, as i wait for my turn i can hear his voice speaking to the person inside, a fellow interviewee.

so after handing in my forms to the staff outside i sit with baited breath. no, i wasn’t really nervous, it was more about me being curious (like i always am).

wondering how old will he be, and how would his manner of speaking be, and what kind of applicant will he be expecting.

so when i was called in, i opened the door and saw how unusually simple the layout was. a long table, a few cushy chairs, possibly a small narrow rack and that’s it.

his briefcase was on the side of the table, and the window was half-opened.

the walls were white and with the white blinds on the opened window, everything feels very bright and airy.

very spartan.

and then he told me to sit down (after he spoke to another staff from his table through the door).

so overall, the interview was okay.

it wasn’t really nerve-wrecking.

he asked me about myself and halfway through he was telling me what the job would be like.

that was before he asked me if i think i would be suitable for the job.

so i answered what crossed my mind at that time ^__^ and then he says he’ll call me by the end of the week (if i made it).

so.

i went back and settled a few things

and i began to think

it was actually more of me feeling like i’m not so sure if i really wanted to work yet.

and somehow i end up in this place

and i saw someone sleeping

 

..inside the banquet room. on the chair at the middle table.

it must’ve been nice to do whatever you want at whatever time and place.

since i can’t do the thing that i wanna do now (the most), i ended up job-hunting half-heartedly.

i don’t even really feel the initial pre-interview jitters. just a pinch of nervousness. and then a whole lot of numbness.

.

i feel numb.

because i don’t wanna do anything right now other than what i’ve always wanted to do.

but i can’t.

.

and even when i can’t there’s still some kind of an expectation to fulfill

so that i’m not too worthless in that sense

.

and i wondered

what has my life come into?

.

because i’m still searching

but i feel like i don’t want to anymore

.

whose life is this?

whose wish is this?

is this mine?

because i still can’t see it

can’t feel like it’s mine

.

so i wanted to just go somewhere

and sit down and not think so much

i was tired.

and thankfully

we went somewhere afterwards for some comfort food

.

 

.

and the next day we packed up and went home.

all the miles throughout, i was thinking and half-wishing that i won’t have to start so soon.

i don’t know. how it’ll be like

but i know that i’m not really looking forward to it.

.

i’m not worried

i’m just a little torn

.

so i just curled up on the sofa all day playing something on my notebook

it was a good distraction.

and then i got in the kitchen to try and do something

that was a nice distraction too

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

that feels nice.

i even pleated the edges myself.

.

.

fry them

.

..and then

.

done.

we made a few (enough for two days).

.

my little sister recently got her driving license (and the old family car kinda comes with it).

so i said to her i just wanna go out.

just out there.

somewhere.

and today we went to the beach, just the both of us (because the rest are  going somewhere in another state).

the way to the beach feels a bit too long

.

.

but at least we arrived

.

.

.

it was very warm and sunny

when we dipped in and stood up there were shadows upon the water – it was like the sun was right in the centre of the sky

.

it was hours before we washed up and left

for the mall.

yes it was

~a clichéd ending for a girl’s day out.

.

eye candy. (literally).

.

lunch.

.

pretty. painful. shoes

.

bluecheeseboy is a crunchy bread snack.

.

i found a pink golf skirt on discount BUT it was a little bit too big.

(no i don’t wear skirts. but it was PINK. with a cute cut. and a BIG 30% tag inside). i figured that i could wear it at home. not for golf but for cooking in the kitchen.

good stuff. but not the right size.

.

~

i guess that was

4 days.. all wrapped in one (post).

and now i’m sitting on my bed hoping that sleep would finally find me and be my friend again.

~

.

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