and another

Published August 3, 2010 by crystalights

 

i wanna go out all day and then at the end of it to be able to just smile and say: 

“i had a great time today.”

and really mean it from my deepest hearts.

.

i was 19 the last time i said that

but i didn’t really mean it at that time.

it was something that came out because i didn’t really have a great time

and i was feeling cold and awkward

at that time as i stepped on the elevator i was thinking:

“i wished it was better”.

.

the weird thing was that

it meant more to me than to the person i was with.

.

i was young at that time and no one told me to not wear your heart on your sleeve so much.

no one told me that not everything is as it seems.

no one told me that life is but a dream.

so things happened

and i lost a friend.

.

everytime i think about it i just know

that it was just me being young and foolish and so trusting. so naive thinking that i could take on anything and face anyone

.

of course

there was nothing there

but i can’t help feeling like i’ve always been on the losing end

no matter what the circumstances are.

.

i want to be a hero.

not another damsel in distress disguised as the heroine.

i don’t want to be saved.

i just want to be the one to save myself. and the people that i wish to save.

.

i don’t wanna be

just another girl

.

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