keep going

Published August 7, 2010 by crystalights

 

i’m actually kind of worried because

it’s in a location that i’m not familiar with

it’s like right smack in between two cities

i really don’t like that kind of environment i guess

i’ve always been a country girl

.

even when it’s not confirmed yet i get nervous thinking what the verdict would be

.

i feel so dysfunctional

.

i agreed to give it a shot because i didn’t think it would be at that kind of location

i thought it was just another simple, non-congested, easy-to-reach place.

but how wrong i was. and to only realize it when i actually arrived there

was an unexpected ordeal.

but i didn’t turn back and just keep going anyway

(even when it’s been hours and i don’t know the way and the sun was going down)

it’s like i can feel my eyeliner evaporating

.

and i don’t really wear make-up, not all the time, but this time it’s different

.

make-ups are really not my forte

i don’t even have a mirror in my room

i don’t comb my hair everyday

i haven’t worn a compact powder in years

i’ve never worn foundation my entire life

sometimes i want to wear make-up and look nice but

i just don’t want the situation when people who got to know me with make-up from the beginning, then one day they look at me without make-up and be so dissapointed with what they see

-because make-up is like that to me

they make me look too different than what i really look like.

i went out without make up and went somewhere with my friends, where someone put on some make up on me, and then on my way back people tell me i really look different.

what if i wash it off and then people don’t recognize me anymore?

i don’t wanna feel like i have to wear make-up every single day

-it’s too taxing.

.

so i only wear a little bit of them when i feel like it’s the right occassion

or when i’m in the mood for a little bit of make-up

that’s pretty much it.

.

and well

at that time that i was on my journey, i felt like it’s the kind of occasion to put on a little bit of something 

.

but

by the time i reach that place, i wasn’t even sure how i look like

-it was that late.

.

i don’t know what the outcome would be in a few days’ time but

i just can’t wait to get it done and over with.

.

heart don’t fail me now

courage don’t desert me

don’t turn back now that we’re here

people always say life is full of choices

(but) no one ever mentions fear

..

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