i’m not sad
even as tears fill my eyes i’m not sad.
i’m surrounded but i’m alone
i live with people whom i have to listen to
because i’m nothing
there isn’t anything that i bring into this thing.
i’ve always lived with endless expectations
my job is to fulfill them until i reach my wits’ end
and then once in a while when i come across some people who would let me make-believe that there is some sort of connection
pretending that there is some soul who listens
even when they don’t (at least i know not to be foolish too often)
i wake up and the nightmare doesn’t end.
i don’t hope for anything much from the ones around me
i fix my own things
before i come undone.
i realized that my heart’s in my writings
they’re not in my spoken words
i unveil it the most in the things that i write
even when i cry i can’t be honest and say what’s inside
unless there isn’t anybody else there.
i don’t trust anyone enough for me to put my life’s heart and soul on – even on the little things
and when i somehow accidentally do
i try my best to stop going on if i can’t take it back
because i can feel the regret setting in above everything else
there is no other person that you can rely on other than yourself
so tell me what else are you expecting?
you feel burdened by the commodities
but you wouldn’t let me do what i want to lessen it
you didn’t find the right one for me
but you oppose the ones that i managed to find
you want what you said you wanted
but you want me to do them, and with your way
i can’t do anything much without stepping on your edge
i can’t make normal decisions without your interference
i can’t even feel normal
i’m not sad
crying doesn’t mean anything to me
they’re just water escaping my eyelids