i’m not sad. i’m not lying.

Published August 8, 2010 by crystalights


i’m not sad

even as tears fill my eyes i’m not sad.


i’m just



i’m surrounded but i’m alone

i live with people whom i have to listen to

because i’m nothing

there isn’t anything that i bring into this thing.


i’ve always lived with endless expectations

of me

my job is to fulfill them until i reach my wits’ end

and then once in a while when i come across some people who would let me make-believe that there is some sort of connection

pretending that there is some soul who listens

even when they don’t (at least i know not to be foolish too often)

i wake up and the nightmare doesn’t end.

i don’t hope for anything much from the ones around me

i fix my own things

before i come undone.


i realized that my heart’s in my writings

they’re not in my spoken words


i unveil it the most in the things that i write

even when i cry i can’t be honest and say what’s inside


unless there isn’t anybody else there.


i don’t trust anyone enough for me to put my life’s heart and soul on – even on the little things

and when i somehow accidentally do

i try my best to stop going on if i can’t take it back

because i can feel the regret setting in above everything else


there is no other person that you can rely on other than yourself


so tell me what else are you expecting?

you feel burdened by the commodities

but you wouldn’t let me do what i want to lessen it

you didn’t find the right one for me

but you oppose the ones that i managed to find

you want what you said you wanted

but you want me to do them, and with your way

i can’t do anything much without stepping on your edge

i can’t make normal decisions without your interference

i can’t even feel normal


i’m not sad

crying doesn’t mean anything to me

they’re just water escaping my eyelids



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