the rage post.

Published October 25, 2010 by crystalights

 

memang la aku takde penjage kt situ, tapi dah ade dlm borang tu mestila aku tanye.

takkan nak suruh aku hentam kromo je dlm borang rasmi, babe.

aku pun malas nak bising2.

tapi kalau aku biarkan kosong nanti ntah aper hal la plak yg jadi.

cube la faham.

jgn la asek nak negative je bile aku b’ckp. bile aku b’tanye.

(klau boleh aku pun tak nak tanye. aku lebih rela cari jawapan or penyelesaian sendiri).

tapi dah urgent mcm ni. nak buat camane.

cube la dgar. fikir. dan faham.

ni tidak,

dah la tak tgok pun borang tu, pas tu bile aku tanye nak bengang2 pulak.

bile aku ckp aku tak nak look like i’m asking for help from that person, dier plak marah aku saying that “it wouldn’t get to that extent and even if it did, what’s the problem?”

sekian lame aku kat sini,

boleh plak dier tanye “aper masalahnye?”

mcm tak paham pulak aper masalahnye kat sini.

.

everytime aku ckp pasal benda yg LOGIC, SERIOUS, dan PENTING, dier mesti nak respond dgn menunjukkan betape TAK LOGIC, TAK SERIOUS dan TAK PENTINGnye ckp2 aku.

mcm bile aku ckp psl “living in a foreign place”, “the person to be put under a particular section of those forms”,  “my arm turning dark purple 24hours after the blood extraction”, sumenye mcm takde benda je.

mcm ckp dgn tembok.

padahal aku nak dgar la solutionnye kalau tak semua pun at least satu respond yg proper.

bukannyer : “alah kau ni..” *dengus* *kerut muke* *dengus*

*dengus* *kerut muke* *dengus*

pas tu bengang2 mcm nak marah.

.

yg lagi sorg tu pulak

dah susah2 dpt butiran dan alamat,

tibe2 he tells me to log in to his mail and send that guy an email, asking for his address.

dah la address tu dah ade. nak jugak tanye lagi (konon takut salah).

lepas tu nak suruh aku pulak tu yg buat.

dah la aku tak nak ade kene-mengena pun.

pas tu bile org tu online dier suruh aku talk to him (about anything that i want to ask).

i was like : come on la tak boleh ke kiter just stick to what we need and get it over and done with. why must we effin’ involve everyone in everything??!?

why does he insist on me sending that guy an email and going online?

why does she NOT see the direction that this is heading to (like what i’ve been telling her all along), and the gravity of my situation?

why do i have to involve all these people yg tak berkenaan into my affairs?

does it look like i’m enjoying letting the whole world know of my current life affairs?

is it written on my face, a huge : HEY PEOPLE COME JUMP IN AND POKE YOUR NOSES INTO MY CURRENT STATE OF LIFE!!

is that what you see?

is that it?

if it is maybe i should punch someone to make them unsee it.

.

gelabah kecoh bersepai betul la.

kalau org lain tak tahu, tak boleh ke?

.

aku tak nak libatkan dier.

tak nak hutang budi dgn dier (dan keluarge dier).

tak nak ader kene-mengena pun dgn family dier.

sbb aku rase aku tak perlu merendahkan kluarge aku dgn meninggikan kluarge dier.

kluarge dier same je mcm sume kluarge2 yg lain dlm family tree tu.

bukannye sape2 lagi bagus dari sesiape pun.

lagipun buat ape nak susahkan diri terlibat dgn family dier.

nanti mcm2 pulak yg kiter kene buat (padahal kiter bukannye slalu buat pun aper yg kluarge dier buat).

tujuan, niat, dan keperluan kite pun tak same.

jadi biarla kiter pilih jalan masing2.

tak payah la sume bnda nak libatkan sume kluarge.

.

i have things that i believe in.

and that includes staying away from the people that i don’t fancy.

it works better for me because at least i can avoid looking at their flaws through a magnifying glass.

one small speck as if one large heap.

.

so just..get over it.

.

just stop.

.

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