not the angel

Published November 11, 2010 by crystalights

 

i think if you really don’t want to go and nothing’s really in the way of you not going, then it’s really up to you whether or not you want to go.

what everybody else decides doesn’t necessarily have to affect you.

as for me, something’s really in the way of me not going.

so i have to go.

it’s not like i’m enjoying it. not like i’m happy with it.

but a daughter’s got to do what a daughter’s got to do.

and for such parents, i have to go.

.

i saw what was written and i thought that maybe there’s something there that i thought was no longer there.

but it turns out i was wrong.

so

tak pyh pikir lagi

if it’s the end then it’s the end

as long as i’m not the one who ends it

i can accept the end to something like this.

.

that’s why i don’t like people who care more about people’s feelings than people’s needs

like concealing the truth just to not hurt other people’s feelings up to the point where people actually believed a lie.

isn’t that preposterous?

while you conceal everything so that you won’t look like the villain, some people really thought that you were an angel.

come on,

are you sure that you lie because you don’t wanna hurt their feelings, or is it because you don’t want to be hurt when people know exactly what you are?

and then when they think of what a wonderful person you are you get to step in and gain a little control upon their lives, right?

isn’t it like a sick hero-worship,

or a deceitful power consumption?

.

you don’t like what they do but you don’t do anything to stop it, or do anything to show that you don’t support it.

you just sit there and take care of their feelings.

it doesn’t benefit them because they wouldn’t know.

but it benefits you because you know.

you know. and you’re still with them and their choices.

doesn’t that make you a sad-assed liar?

.

so it’s okay to lose your individuality as long as you get to fit in with the crowd, huh?

.

it’s really up to you then.

.

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