agony

Published November 25, 2010 by crystalights

 

so

3 dh jln.

3 lagi dlm rancangan.

aku (?)

ader la jugak rase melonjak2 hati nak bgtau,

tapi entah mcmane akhirnye aku tak ckp jugak.

dlm nak nak tu, ader la jugak tersimpan rase tak nak.

sebab

sebab aku takut.

takut menyesal.

i don’t know if i am capable of investing my time on people anymore.

sekarang memangla rase mcm : “come what may” mcm “bring it on”

tapi bile dah terkena betul2 entah2 gelabah.

.

aku bosan la.

sume kene dgar ckp dier.

aku slalu ikut kata wlwpun hati tak rela

because i am raised that way

to not turn against the ones whom you should show respect to.

maybe it’s an asian (or malay) thing.

or maybe i’m just trying to avoid unnecessary commotion.

maybe i don’t know when to stop.

tapi aku penat.

aku nak pergi bile masenye sesuai.

aku tak nak menyusahkan org.

aku tak suke mintak tolong.

aku rase sgt horrible bile terpakse ditolong org.

it’s this pride-dignity thing aku rase mcm tak boleh nak go on with my pride on the floor.

aku rela tggu lame2 dan dpt everythng sndiri dari tggu skejap dan dpt semua dgn bntuan org lain.

paham tak.

this is agony.

for someone like me.

this is the epitome of agony.

.

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