you and i

Published December 15, 2010 by crystalights

 

it was believed that the saharan dessert was once an ocean, according to paulo coelho.

well.

sometimes i kinda believed it too (just a tiny little bit).

because the only constant there is in life is change, right?

so if yesterday it was an ocean and tomorrow it’s an african desert, then maybe that wasn’t much of a surprise. to me.

.

i guess in a way,

i changed.

i wasn’t who i was when i was 17.

not anymore.

.

when i made that promise, i was young, and optimistic and an idealist, and even a romantic at heart.

i was all the things a young teenage girl would probably be.

but now things are not the same.

we’re not 17 anymore.

when i decided to go and see you, all i have in mind is fulfilling that promise.

i can’t arrange it into more than what i feel it should be

because we’re not exactly the same as we were back then.

it has been 6 years since that promise, and 7 since we met.

so yes, i can’t meet you one weekend and then meet you again at the end of the month.

because i don’t do the occasional-meet-up-and-hang-out-with-us thingy that i used to do.

this is just me, trying to carry out what i felt needed to be done.

and in a way, this is something i take seriously because i have given my word.

so when i’m fumbling with words and thinking of when and where we should meet and you say:

“don’t panic, it’s you who’ll be travelling all the way, it’s up to you, i really don’t mind. i’m here”

and i told you i’m just “scared that i won’t get to see you”,

your next sentence really caught me off guard.

because

because you make one of those luckiest guesses in a 23 year old’s life. 

because what you said was the real reason behind my planned travelling just to see you.

but i can’t tell you that now.

not until i see you.

not until you’re there in front of me and then i will say what i want to let you know.

.

because everything has it’s own time and reason

and i have my reasons, i’m just waiting for the right time.

and maybe

you don’t really know me as much as you did back then.

maybe this barrier we’re attempting to break is not just the physical distance between you and i.

.

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