spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there’s always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it’s hard at the end of the day
i need some distraction
memories seep from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
i’ll find some peace tonight
so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there’s vultures and thieves at your back
the storm keeps on twisting
keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack
it don’t make no difference
escaping one last time
it’s easier to believe
in this sweet madness
this glorious sadness
which brings me to my knees.
i thought that if my feelings show on my face
i should just turn away for it to not be seen
but even if i don’t turn away forever
you’ll never really look deeper into what you see
you’ll never be the one to lighten my heavy heart
i’m 23, going on 24 this year
and i don’t think i’ve ever known what happiness is.
just some occasional relief. sense of recovery. and a little bit of temporary calm before every approaching storm.
but happiness? no, i never really knew what that’s like.
sometimes i think you’ll always be someone i can’t escape from.
it’s not easy to be
we have to leave home today.
and i have to fly on saturday.
can’t really think.
there’s too much going on
i feel like it’s the end
i don’t wanna leave this early
i want to stay home a bit longer before leaving.
not staying in a place that i don’t like while waiting for my flight date.
even at a time like this,
i can’t have what i choose.
ader jugak terfikir
kenapa mesti pergi?
kenapa tak buat semuanya disini je?
is this what is right for me?
of carrying out his wishes
i want him to feel my pain
not so that he’ll get hurt, but so that he’ll stop hurting people (like me).
when he went away,
everyone here had to go along with him.
he was never really alone.
but now he’s sending me away
like it doesn’t even matter what i’ll go through
as long as i do what is expected of me.
i know that it doesn’t matter what i feel
but i can’t make this feeling disappear either
what about me?
what about what i want?
what about me?