dear nana (28.2.2011)

Published February 28, 2011 by crystalights

dear nana,

this one is public (sbb b’ckp berkaitan islam).

.

aku tak tahu la bila sesuatu yg haram dan halal dijual dlm 1 gerai, kita boleh mkn atau tak bhgn yg dirasakan halal tu.

tapi untuk aku, lebih selesa kalau aku tak mkn frm there.

itu utk aku.

so i didn’t think it would be very menjengkelkan for fellow muslims yg tgok people who live like me.

aku memang mcm ni.

bila aku tak yakin, maknenye keyakinan aku takde. keyakinan tu tak dtg.

so lg baik aku say no. or jgn. or tak nak.

even if i don’t eat a lot of things i don’t think it’s a problem (for me).

aku memang mcm ni.

i’ve never really felt that i’m completely normal, but with that said, i don’t think not eating some things makes me abnormal.

.

so aku agak terkejut today.

kene tegur about “kalau you tak flexible you susah la nak hidup kat sini”.

aper tu?

aku appreciate people being honest, but for me as long as it doesn’t impede or disrupt other people’s lives, then biar la aku dgn pilihan aku.

niat aku just tak nk mkn something yg haram or something yg i’m not sure of whether it’s halal or haram. sbb kalau kita mkn benda haram kan ibadah kita tidak diterima selame 40 hari kan?

cube bygkan kalau kau sembahyang 5 waktu, mengaji, and so on selame 40 hari tapi tidak diterima ibadah2 tu. tak ke terase rugi dan sia2?

jadi bagi aku, halal dan haram tu hal yg besar.

kalau aku decide aku tak nak, itu kan pendirian aku.

aku tak sangke la itu annoying for my fellow muslims.

even if pemilik perniagaan itu muslim, tapi product dier ader yg cmpur rum, ader yg tidak, dan hanye sekadar ditempatkn di bekas yg berasingan tapi perkakas2 nyer, peralatan2 nyer untuk handle the food dlm 1 gerai itu kita tak tahu, bukan ke lebih baik kita tak makan?

sbb kita tak tahu kalau yg haram dan halal tu benar2 tak bercampur.

aku tak yakin.

jadi biarlah aku hidup dgn pilihan aku.

walaupun nmpak kolot, kecil, dan tertutup. nmpak mcm sgt narrow-minded dan “tak flexible”.

aku hanye nk ikut aper yg aku tahu. dan aku tak tahu byk benda, so that’s why i’m trying to pick up what little pieces that i can learn of.

even when i know that it looks like i’m just being difficult again, it feels like i’m too different again and it seems like i’m being weird and annoying again, aku memang mcm ni.

asalkn aku tak kacau org takper la.

maybe we grow up in different backgrounds and i have different views when i look at the same thing that other people are looking at,

but underneath the surface, what is inside. we have to see that too.

.

aku just mcm rase terkilan kjp.

.

i wonder if what happened today will change anything.

.

(28.2.2011)

-me-

P/S: i’m not sure what ISMA stands for (i just pergi 1 gathering je, bukannyer join persatuan tu. like you said organisasi/persatuan tu not the priority bila tujuan utama tu adalah utk dakwah); tapi i think the I is for Ikatan and the MA is for Malaysia Australia.

kdg2 aku rase aku pergi partly because you said jaga ukhwah. cannot live in own world.

i don’t know la.

the world other than my own world is hurting me.

.

2 comments on “dear nana (28.2.2011)

  • I’ve been in this halal haram situation gak la. cool la ko boleh hold on so firmly to what u believe. as for me, kawan aku ajak pergi makan a place where they serve liquor. i know a lot of our muslim friends went there to eat. it’s one of the cool place to hang out la. and it feels awkward to refuse to go there when she and her husband nak treat aku makan sana and I say no sebab aku was-was. or more like it’s shubahah to eat at a place like that kan. akupun bukan baik sgt but I can truly relate to what u feel about this things. aku sensitif dengan benda-benda yang jadi darah daging ni. be it foods or money or anything la.

  • i don’t know..but i think circumstances yg happen sekeliling kita ada byk, and for me sometimes kita tak boleh nak just simply go with the flow like it’s an insignificant thing.
    kalau i follow tapi i was2 pun tak gune jugak. camane nak mkn klau cam tu.

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