dear nana (2.3.2011)

Published March 2, 2011 by crystalights

dear nana,

today was my first class.

and i don’t know why the girl sitting next to me avoided me like the plague.


pandang pun sipi2 je, mcm the angle of dier nyer headturn is like less than 25°.

i don’t know la. is it because my tudung is too yellow? or do i have something on my face ke aper eh.

she only pusing when i tanye something, itu pun jawab mcm sepatah dua je then terus turn away.

dh la i was the last one on that row, no one was sitting on my left side and she was sitting on my right side.

(mcm la aku nak sgt ajak borak. lepak2 sudah la).

pas tu dier cam borak2 ngn org putih sblah dier.

aku just nak tanye je. bukannyer aper2. ye la dlm the whole class tak ramai yg ambik major aku and she was one of the few people yg same major dgn aku. 

maner la tahu ader class kiter yg sama yg boleh aku tanye skit2 aper2 yg aku tak tahu.

skali jadi cam tu pulak.

dh la klas pagi kul 8, pas tu duduk sblah org cam tu. hilang mood aku kjap.

muke asian giler, tapi ckp org putih mcm aussie tulen.

aku perasan jgk mse international students punyer orientation pun dier byk hang with org putih but i thought that it’s just kebetulan that she’s sitting with org putih. ye la, org putih kan cam everywhere gitu.


aku bukannyer batak sgt nak duduk ngn org putih pun.

just aku cam pelik la.

kat sini dorg siap buat cam group utk asians kat australia.

pas tu dorg approach org2 yg mcm ni, yg have that oriental look utk join group dorg.

and then people who wear tudung like me are always mistaken as someone coming from the middle east or something.

i mean,

i am an ASIAN too.

just because i don’t show my hair or have snow white skin and pretty eyes, it doesn’t make me less of an asian than any of my fellow asians.

i come from ASIA. BORN + RAISED + GREW UP in ASIA.

my country of birth is near the equator line too.

i grow up with ancient customs and traditions too.

we work hard. eat hard. live hard. study hard. (or whatever).

we have our own colourful patterns on our garments.

we look up to our elders, eat rice, cook spicy food, pry open durians, and put soya sauce on our meals.

i am as much as an asian as all the other asians out there.


tu la aku pelik.

kalau betul you want to ajak asians to join a group, nape tak ajak org indonesia or org india ke, to join?

they are asians too.

asians are not defined by just one kind of look or physical features.

you can at least start looking at maps instead of the people to know which part of the world people come from is actually ASIA.


and for the last time, i am not libyan or tunisian or lebanese or arab just because i cover my hair.

hidung aku tak la mancung pun. penyek je aku tgok. dah la penyek, kembang pulak tu. hahahahah


aku sbnrnye tension ni.

course advisor aku hntr email utk advise aku lagi to take the tailored stream instead of this specialized stream sbb dier concerned that i cannot write for social science subjects (because my background isn’t social science).

tapi background aku science jugak kan. aper masalahnyer? 

cume science aku previously lain skit la dari social science.

tapi science is still science.

cube la faham sikit.

dah la aku cpt terrified and freaked out.

pas tu dier asek advise aku je psl ni.

ayah yg sruh aku struggle and take this stream.

takkan aku nak derhaka pulak. ayah don’t seem to think it’s a problem to take this (walaupun susah). so camane?

aku dh explain dh kt advisor aku how important this is for me.

dier pulak pergi discuss ngn stream director. pas tu dier ckp stream director pun sepakat ngn dier.

for now dorg bagi aku take this la, tapi dier cam nk ckp ngn aku psl risiko and everything.


boleh tak bagi aku smgt sikit. jgn la asek freak me out jer.

dah la aku cpt freak out.

pas tu org2 keliling aku pulak mcm nak drive me crazy.


tapi that singaporean ckp “you jgn pikir la (pasal tu)”

tapi dier bukannyer penakut mcm aku.

dier mcm someone yg i would want to be one day (well except for a few minor adjustments).

pas tu skrg aku ader problem dgn one of my subjects.

timetable clash.

and because it’s an elective i may have to drop the subject and take something else. but it’s almost the second half of the 1st week already, if i take a new subject i might have already missed the first class.

aku rase besar betul dugaan aku duduk kat sini.

kdg2 rase mcm

tak tahu mcmane nk describe.



have to continue my “social science” reading. for tomorrow’s class.

ye la aku tak nak la org tu asek sebut2 pasal my “background is not in social science” bla bla bla.

lantak la background aper pun. kalau org nak blajar, bagi je la.

asalkn bukan ajaran sesat dah la.



P/S: pas ni aku tak boleh post blog entry everyday kot because aku dh start busy.

PP/S: baru la aku paham mcmane konsep smbhyg di perantauan ni.


4 comments on “dear nana (2.3.2011)

  • ok first of all ko kan da biase dgn university, people misconcept, they form group just like some kind of status quo, and they’re afraid of becoming frineds with the wrong people. you’re used to that, don’t get freak out..nnti as tyme pass by things would be better. same ade diorng ok dengan kau ataupon ko yg adapt dengan environment. not much different from here..same je. they’re all high school..
    aku da agak diorng akan mistaken org yang pkai tudung as libyan or arabian, sebb foreigner yg pakai tudung mmg dpd tempat sane..
    u don’t come there to get u’re mind messed up by all this people..
    kalaw ko nk tnye something, tnye je walawpon die avoid..tak payah care what people think laa wei..u just have to be cristina for awhile and ko akan get over them..they didin’t come from the same country so they don’t understand..tak payah pikir..bknnye org yg brani je bole tak pikir, org yng whimpy and freak pon bole stop thinking about’s not like they’re gonna hurt you..ko just focus on what u have..not be bothered by them..i tell myself that everyday and it worked like a charmed.

    • wei. cpt la ckp psl study aku. pasal the specialization stream yg aku entering ni, u think it’s ok to take the risk or not?
      agak susah jugak la. tapi ayah suruh ambik specialized stream instead of the normal tailored one (tailored stream takde major, specialized stream yg ader major).
      kau ni, aper la
      aku dh brape kali “dear nana” tapi kau bagi komen pun aku nk kene bgtau guide ke?
      kau ikut la isi blog post aku pas tu identify main point aku pas tu kau jawab la ikut point yg aku timbulkan.
      alaa ko ni
      ko kan budak ukm. bukan korg ader writing style sendiri ke utk jawab soalan2 camni?
      ikutla gaye ukm korg tu.
      bagi feedback sikit.
      i need to hear from someone who isn’t caucasian, oriental asian, or european.
      i need a malaysian to answer my question.

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