dear nana (20.3.2011)

Published March 20, 2011 by crystalights

dear nana,

so the new 3000 word assignment came.

but i can’t even figure out yet what to write for the previous 5000 word assignment.

they’re saying something along the lines of “writing what you’re passionate about.”


i can’t find that passion.

or get inspiration.

and what more to critically analyse the topic in the “sustainability” and “resilience” context.

it’s been approximately a week.

i have to figure something out soon. i don’t want people like her think that i can’t do it because of my non social science background.

even if my background is health science it’s not the issue.

the issue here is that my muse is missing.


and today i went out with my sgporean hsemate.

pergi mkn roti canai telur.

(tapi tak sedap mcm kt msia).

dah la mahal.

pas tu kitorg pergi bli aiskrim kt kedai arab.

pas tu org arab kat situ mcm pandang kitorg smacam (i don’t know why).

is that like their territory or something?

ataupun sbb ktorg tgh ckp psl dorg dlm bhse mlayu so dorg cam suspicious?


i don’t know la.

i don’t feel like i want to eat out again.


and then

aku tak tahu la apsal, dh 3+ yrs aku gune my mp4, baru dtg sini lbih kurang sbulan mp4 aku rosak.

serious bengang.

i don’t know if it’s the weather

or it’s that new charger i bought (dah la aku spend money beli adapter nyer skali sbb aku nak pkai kt msia nanti)

tibe2 rosak gitu je.

serious bengang.

when i buy things or do things i think about using or applying them back in msia

tapi it doesn’t always work that way.

i want to write about the situation in our country

but they want scholarly, “peer reviewed”, sources. and how can i get that kind of “acknowledged” sources from our country, right?

maner aku nak cari resource at that level frm my country. bukan bermaksud source kita tak bagus, cuma tak dinilai dgn cara mcm tu kat negara kita.

so maybe aku kene based it on what’s here or something. or start frm smthng that’s here but support it with something from our country. i don’t quite know. but i’ll jst find a way around it. yg penting aku kalau boleh nak jugak yg ada kaitan ngn my homeland.

buat mcmane pun, aku tak boleh nak put other people’s home as my home. i can’t prioritize someone else’ nation above my own, not because mine is the most important, but because that is where my loyalty and sovereignty lie.

i only have one home.

and it’s the only thing i’ve ever known.

no matter how wonderful a foreign land would seem to be, it is not my homeland.

it is not where i would want to live forever.

if there’s nothing left for you at home

wouldn’t you want to still be home so that you can at least try to find that something for you, whatever it could possibly be?

tanah tumpah darah, kan.

bukan la best sgt pun, tapi

tempat jatuh lg dikenang, inikan pulak tempat bermain.


it’s not that i miss the people

it’s just that i have this sense of attachment to that place.

not that town. not that district or state.

just that place. that sense of familiarity when you’re in your own country.

i guess i’m like a snail sometimes

wherever i go i want to carry my home with me.

even if it’s just in my heart (or in my head).



i have to start researching

i guess i’ll write again later




2 comments on “dear nana (20.3.2011)

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