dear nana (26.3.2011)

Published March 26, 2011 by crystalights

dear nana,

today i went to a kenduri kahwin. di perantauan.

(serious sedap. nasi minyak tak sgt berminyak.)

ramai giler org dtg.

dorg buat kt musolla.

aftr mkn2 tghari td ktorg pun gerak nak balik


pas tu my friend want to singgah2 ambik gambar kat area tu

i didn’t take a photo of the bride, though.

the reception was indoor (tak jadi buat kat luar tu sbb takut hujan).

(transportation yg biase: the tram. which looks like a train but moves on land the road)

i met a few people.

and then talked about some things.

sekarang aku dlm dilemma sbnrnye.

aderla hal sikit.

aku nak citer kt sini pun tak brani.

lain kali kot (just to be safe).


sometimes things happen.

i just felt that sometimes i have to have a good support system

tapi every train has its tracks, right?

they have their routes and schedules to follow

i don’t want to be the reason a journey is changed

but i don’t know if i can change my journey either

aku belum lagi termasuk dikalangan org2 yg kuat dan rela berkorban

sometimes i get lost along the way, but i have to try to find my way back

although i have a lot of fears,

i’m not always courageous,

i am scared sometimes,

but i’m not entirely vulnerable.

i don’t want people to think that i have to be taken care of,

i don’t want people to feel sorry for me or look at me like a child. 

i don’t want anyone to think that the reason that i’m barely moving around is because i can’t.

it’s not that i can’t, it’s just that i chose to be. this way.

i think i’m okay like this.


mcm bile i talk about one subject yg aku rase agak tough then he said “then why’d you take it?”

so does it mean that i should only take what is easy or only take what i like?

sometimes there are things you have to do so that your existence means something.

it’s not just about you. or what you want. or what you like.


mcm bile someone tells me something which i don’t know how to respond with

what can i say?

if they want, i can try and tell them how to live their lives.

but will that fix anything?

to a certain point perhaps. but beyond that, i could’ve turned things upside down and i wouldn’t have really known it.


apa2 yg kita buat,

kalau kita hanya fikir untuk diri sendiri memang sgt mudah.

tapi aku tak mampu.

aku kene fikir betul2, ape lagi yg akan berubah dgn setiap yg aku ubah.

ape yg mungkin akan jadi?

will it affect my life? my responsibilities? my duties? other people’s lives?

what about the rest of the people?


it’s not always easy.

and i’m not always recklessly free.

but i think

if one person lets go of what they should be,

someone else might have to do more to fill up for what’s missing

and then, do you think it’s fair for the ones carrying more than their original load just because you decide to let go of yours?



cuba fikir balik,

hidup ni untuk aper?

belajar untuk aper?

bekerja untuk aper?

rase2, cukup ke kalau semuanya hanya semata2 untuk diri sendiri shj?



i’m tired.

i still have a few things unfinished,

until the next post then.



P/S: between these electrical appliances: 1.a pancake maker, 2.a muffin maker, 3.a donut maker, 4.a pie maker, which one is better?


2 comments on “dear nana (26.3.2011)

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