Published March 29, 2011 by crystalights

i think that emotions are scary things

sometimes they keep you from where and what you’re supposed to be.

bila hati rasa berat atau resah, gelisah, semua terasa mcm susah.

but i realized that if you force yourself into that particular where and what that you’re supposed to be,

somehow you just be.

it’s puzzling but

it’s like fighting the urge to sleep without taking any substance(s)

somehow after a while you’re just not that sleepy.

so i think, diving head first kinda works

just drowning into all that you have to do

and somehow you just realized that you’re halfway through.


maybe that is as close as some people can get to being hardcore

it’s not that you don’t feel

it’s just that you don’t care what you feel

try it.

it’s very contradicting but it’s how i think i should live.

what about you?


people around me are doing things that i never thought would result in such results

it’s the opposite of how i’ve always looked at life and its repercussions

aku tertanya2: oh. mcm bahagia je.

should i be worried that i’m not like that?

i’m going to be 24 this year.

should i be thinking about such things now?

because if you ask me now i would probably give you the same answer that i thought of 10 years ago when i was 14: “i’m not ready”, or was it: “maybe i’m not the right one for this?”


how am i supposed to believe in such things

look at my mum

i’ve always thought that she would have been happier

(but she sounds like she’s happy with whatever she has now)

but she’s my mom;

it doesn’t take a lot for her to be happy.

(i just wished that she is. am. will. be. happier. happiest).


even if i feel like i can believe in whatever feelings there may be between humans,

i just.. i don’t think i can.

it’s too much to take in.

too much space to give out. give away.

but i do believe that maybe it can work out quite well for some people,

maybe some people are just meant to be happy.

maybe they deserve it more.

maybe the rest of us are just meant to live like a travelling disciple,

always searching for things to be searched;

until there is no more.



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