dear nana (30.3.2011)

Published March 31, 2011 by crystalights

dear nana,

i know it’s past midnight but what the heck.

i feel something. i don’t know what.


aku bengang sbb last minute a few things came up.

i thought i had everything under control tapi suddenly ader lg few things yg suddenly appear

so aku pun biase la, bengang. tension. stress.

for me kalau psl hal2 studies if things didn’t go the way that i planned them i get very stressed because i planned them so as to avoid that kind of stress.

then at the same time something shocking happened.

pas tu aku cam trauma.

tapi aku tak nak breakdown dulu sbb mase tu aku ader groupwork assignment i have to attend and at the same time the next day aku ader presentation.

so aku pun pulled myself together.

pergi groupwork discussion tu.

pas tu aku balik.

nangis2 skjp kt rmh.

then menghadap material utk presentation esoknyer.

pas tu d next morning mater aku bengkak sebelah.

pas tu aku nk mkn pulak then gigi geraham aku sakit sebelah.


aku just pikir: no matter what i feel i have to attend that groupwork and complete that presentation.



i had my first presentation today. it was exertive but exhilirating.

i kinda giggled during the Q & A because i felt weird. what am i, fourteen? i’m supposed to be 24 this year, how can i just giggle?

i don’t know if i did well.

but afterwards i was in the bathroom tgh nak wudhu’ pas tu ader 1 chinese girl came up to me and introduced herself. she said “you did a great job”.

aku cam blur2 jst sengih angguk and thank you. dalam kepale ader cam t’pikir: “eleh. biar betol.”


pas tu skrg aku rse cam numb sikit.

i don’t know if i am truly very sane. or if i’m not that crazy.

i feel strange.


tapi aku just sgt bersyukur.


mungkin aku tak ckup isi utk hadapi dugaan, tapi aku just bersyukur.

at least i can breathe. and feel. and think.



aku nak tido.




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