dear nana (4.4.2011)

Published April 4, 2011 by crystalights

dear nana,

kdg2 aku ada rase a bit like there’s something missing.

you know, i have people i get to meet once or twice a week, and my housemates, and the people from those activities.

sometimes i think i can be my own confidant, where i have those internal monologues with myself.

sometimes, i really feel like i want to discuss some things with people who know more and have their own insight, knowledge, and stand on certain things. you know, people who are learned and at the same time have their own point of view on the thing that matters more, the things that matter the most.

aku tak berminat nak dgar bnda2 mcm relationship issues, or fun places to visit, or nice things to buy, or what i can get for myself if i do certain things.

semua tu memangla aku prnah talk about, but now i feel like time is too limited to be wholly spent on such things. i have lived for almost 24 years, but what have i done so far to give back what i have received?

what i’m doing now, am i doing enough?

(of course not).

at this age, i should have done more, known more, been more capable.

i always feel like i’m not doing enough for someone my age.

what have i given in return for all the things that i’ve taken from the world?

the things that god has given me all this time.

if you get good things shouldn’t you be giving good things in return?

i also have some fair share of difficulties and rough patch(es) here and there, but still, haven’t i also gained those things i should be thankful for?

shouldn’t i be thinking about what i can do for some things and some people other than myself?

kan best kalau ada org yg faham apa yg ader dlm fikiran aku ni, yg aku rasa penting sgt2 dan yg aku nak kongsikan sgt2 tapi sygnya jarang diperkatakan oleh org2 disekeliling aku.

aku tak berminat pun nak tahu pasal benda2 yg mungkin ramai org berminat nak talk about. i understand.

 i just feel like ini sesuatu yg penting but it is underrated.

.

cukup ke kalau kita hanya fikirkan how to fulfil our own personal whims and fancies and how to find our own enjoyment and how to achieve things untuk benefit diri sendiri je. and then what? kita selesa ke hidup selesa kalau hanya kita yg hidup selesa?

.

so yeah.

i feel a bit troubled bile balik dari kuliah tadi ader beberape perkara berkaitan fiqh alawiyat yg berlegar dlm kepala aku that i wish to talk about or discuss on, but people want to talk about other things like how to gain something for their use.

bukan aku nak salahkan people, it’s just that perbincangan yg berunsurkan ilmu tu harus ke tamat bile majlis ilmu itu selesai? adakah ilmu itu hanya khusus dalam satu2 majlis shj dan takde ruang lg ke utk diselitkan dlm perbincangan harian kita?

tak ke terasa dlm hati nak go into it a bit more than what commenced during the session?

Islam itu bukan terpisah dari realiti kehidupan harian

menjadi org Islam bukan bererti terasing atau mengasingkan dari realiti hidup sehari2.

mungkin bila kita buka mulut dan bercakap tentang hal hidup kita  setiap hari, kita tak perasan yg kita bercakap berkaitan perkara yg sama setiap hari

sehingga bila kita didatangkan dgn peluang menghadiri majlis ilmu mcm tu pun kita dh terbiasa memperkatakan tentang hal2 hidup kita yg mungkin terasa seperti takkan pernah habis tu.

kalau hari2 ckp pasal what you wish to have, what you can get, what you can buy, what relationship you are in, what places you can hang out in, how much you can gain, how to get through your individual educational hurdles, how amazing things would be for you, then bila masanya kita berfikir untuk perkara2 selain tu?

perkara2 yg melibatkan byk lagi insan2 lain yg bersaudara dgn kita.

tak ke terasa rugi

bila ilmu itu setakat disitu didalam ruang itu.

.

wouldn’t it be better if just a little can go a long way?

.

i am so tired.

i feel like i want to rest for a bit,

i don’t know what you’re up to

but i guess i’ll talk to you again later through my writings.

(4.4.2011)

-me-

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: