feel.like.this.

Published April 6, 2011 by crystalights

okay.

so maybe you’re tired and swamped

but i’m tired too.

i was out earlier than you. and look at what time it is now.

i only went back for lunch and a little rest before i got out again for my group tasks.

and now it’s dinner time already and i don’t even feel like having dinner, i’m that exhausted.

i have people who’ve never really given a damn before now suddenly appearing out of nowhere, and i have people who’ve always cared suddenly disappearing.

i have things flitting through my mind, do you think i’m always happy and dandy without a care?

do you think i don’t have any load upon my shoulder every time i open my eyes in the morning?

i have to figure out how to get through this week, next week and the week after that, one after the other.

you don’t even know what’s inside my head.

i didn’t take it out on you. so why would i have to be on the receiving end now?

mungkin berdiam diri lebih baik untuk aku.

(tapi bile aku diam ader yg terasa pulak).

for this aku tak kecik hati pun. cume aku tak nak jadi tempat melepas kesakitan org, jadi bahan medium between your pain and the entire universe.

i have my pain too. i cannot let other people carry it for me, or feel it for me.

i cannot be that selfish girl who hurts people just because i’m hurt.

so i cannot carry another person’s pain too; we carry our own load.

maybe we can try to figure out how to reduce that other person’s load, but we cannot carry that load for them.

because we have to deal with what we have to deal with. and the same goes for everyone.

if we take that load off them, we might take away the blessings in disguise for them. because with every darkest sky there’s a silver lining.

taking away that dark sky means you might take away the silver lining too.

.

i’ve had my fair share of dark skies.

and maybe you do too.

but it doesn’t mean that i have to put you under more darker skies. or take away your silver lining.

why do we have to hurt people when we’re hurt?

.

i’m just tired

i don’t know what tomorrow will bring

or what today means

but in the course of a lifetime,

does it matter?

the people i see today

will i see them again in the future?

when i fall asleep and dream

i always see the people i don’t get to see everyday

and i don’t know who will be there after a long period down the road.

i don’t know why we feel

maybe there’s something there

that i don’t understand.

but

does it really matter?

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