dear nana (19.4.2011) South West Field Trip Part 2

Published April 19, 2011 by crystalights

dear nana,

i’m still busy (probably until next week).

i’m trying to lessen my stress levels (not sure if it’s working with how things are going so far)

so

today i just finished my presentation.

have another few assignments to complete.

anyway

this is the estuary near the beach in Yambuk, the shaw river mouth. it is where the orange-bellied parrots feed on a kind of plant which grows in the water. yes, the people here care about penguins and orange-bellied parrots and pretty much biodiversity as a whole. (they’d probably be horrified if they end up in pekan with no zoo or national park or botanical gardens and whatnot).

.

okay

my point is that

aku sbnrnye agak serabot sekarang

aku rasa mcm byk benda diluar kawalan aku

aku nak absorb a lot of things

tapi aku tak sure about a lot of things

like my position in situations

what who thinks

what should or shouldn’t happen

kdg2 dlm mase less than 1 week mcm2 benda yg dtg bertalu2

pas tu i’m not always coherent

and i can’t read minds

i read books but they don’t always have the answer

everything mcm very contradictory

people are very contradictory too

the only perfect, ever-flowing thing is that Quran

(alhamdulillah; dpt bring it with me)

and then sometimes people just don’t get me

(sometimes i’m treated like a child)

ckp aku naive la, aper la,

aku bukannyer immature, kan?

aku bukan hardcore ke?

am i a christina or a meredith?

but anyway,

dlm keserabotan aku tu

bile aku look at these beautiful things and places that god created

i can’t help but feel that

Dia ciptakan semua keindahan tu bukan hanya untuk kita hargai alam ciptaan-Nya

tapi jugak untuk kita hargai Penciptanya

bukan stakat “appreciate nature: save planet earth”.

but also to “appreciate its Creator: believe in the One who creates it”.

.

even if Darwin claims the idea of “natural selection” and that everything is a “naturally originating” process,

there must be that higher power and divine intervention that creates and  govern all these living things and processes.

because living things are alive. they are living.

they don’t just create themselves and give life to themselves.

they don’t just appear from scratch and start living.

that’s why miracles have happened. because science can’t really explain everything.

as someone studying science since junior school up until my current undertaking, i believe in what i believe in.

like what the ‘chief of surgery’ in Seattle Grace once said:

“because science is not enough.”

.

walaupun byk cabaran yg menyakitkan mata hati aku dlm proses pencarian aku di bumi ni

i believe that there is a reason.

so

bile aku pergi trip tu dan tibe2 dicurahkan dgn kata2 mengguris tentang kepercayaan aku

aku lagi terasa bahawa

dlm dunia ni

tuhan je yg tahu dan faham segala2nya

lebih drpd aper2 dan siape2 pun mampu tahu atas muka bumi ni.

.

“Dan tidaklah kami (Jibril) turun, kecuali atas perintah Tuhanmu. Milik-Nya segala yang ada dihadapan kita, yang ada di belakang kita, dan segala yang ada di antara keduanya, dan Tuhanmu tidak lupa.

(Dialah) Tuhan (yang menguasai) langit dan bumi dan segala yang ada di antara keduanya, maka sembahlah Dia dan berteguhhatilah dalam beribadah kepada-Nya. Apakah engkau mengetahui ada sesuatu yang sama dengan-Nya?”

[Ayat 64-65, Surah Maryam]

.

takde satu pun yg sama dgn Dia.

Dia Pencipta kita semua. itulah hakikat.

bahawa takde satu pun yg Dia tak tahu.

.

aku rase

aku okay je.

just mse tu mcm terkejut sikit.

balik cabin tu nangis2 kjap. pas tu start berfikir.

insyaAllah i can be allright because

yang penting tuhan tu slalu ada.

.

i try to figure out how that person deals with dier punyer thought.

aku cube tanye dier soalan pancing, just to gauge dier punyer way of thinking

so i asked common things like whether or not globalization is a good thing

and then dier jawab psl not all things are simply good or bad

(pulak dah)

pas tu nak explain kat aku dgn penuh teliti about what’s good and bad about globalization.

mcm la aku tak tahu those good and bad things.

padahal aku cume nak tahu what dier think about it. bukannyer aku nak tahu aper effects of globalization

eh hello, aku pun gi skolah jugak.

pas tu dier mcm ckp ngn aku la psl thinking freely and openly and all that jazz mcm aku ni betul2 come from underneath some tempurung in some 3rd world country.

*sigh*

aku just diam (to show that it doesn’t affect me wlwpun hati aku sbnrnye t’rse sakit mcm nak emo)

.

okayla.

i think that’s it until the next time.

i have to get a few things done.

esok pun kelas pagi.

hidup aku sibuk.

tapi tak nak la smpai tak tulis anything.

i need to let some things out too.

nak harapkan some people nearby pun, mcm susah je

bila nilai hidup tak sama, kita nak berckp psl hal yg dirasakan penting dlm hidup kita pun terase susah.

sbb bukan semue org boleh faham the kind of things we’ve been through and the kind of things we’ll have to go through in the course of our lifetime

kdg2 aku rase mcm agak penat nak put up with people punyer attitude sedangkan kita dlm 1 masyarakat.

mcmane kita boleh berhak beri kritikan tentang perjuangan org lain, cuba tanya sendiri, adakah diri kita pun turut berjuang?

layak ke kita nak ckp apa2 tentang usaha dan keringat org lain

dan layak ke kita nak mengeluh tentang nasib kita sedangkan kita dah dpt mcm2 dari kurniaan tuhan

sedih ke aku? tertekan ke aku? marah ke? kecewa ke?

semua yg aku rase tu penting ke kalau nak dibandingkan dgn org lain yg berjuang di jalan Allah dgn usaha dan pengorbanan yg lebih besar dari aku untuk tujuan yg lebih penting dari tujuan aku.

so, yes.

sometimes, the world is not just about one person and her problems

(dan statement2 ni sume adalah utk mengingatkan diri aku sendiri jugak, insyaAllah).

dah.

i’ll write to you again maybe next week (kalau tak busy sgt).

(19.4.2011)

-me-

2 comments on “dear nana (19.4.2011) South West Field Trip Part 2

  • u don’t have to care what they think..
    bukan siape kite di mate diorng tapi siape kite di mate Allah..
    ko just keep that strong heart and be unaffected of what they say..
    sebab kite tahu ape yang Allah janjikan and kite pegnag janji tu living in this world, being a good muslim sebab when the tyme comes we’ll get paid for what we stand up for..

    kalaw die nk teach ko what globalisation is about then ko just let die be so
    eager to say ape yg die nk say..ko just tak yah get affected ape yg die nk teach ko..

    u’re not meredith nor cristina, i guess maybe u’re being lexie sometimes and sometimes izzie..

    Allah takkan menguji seseorang kalaw die tahu orng tu tak mampu terime ujian tu..doa kite tu senjate kepade everything.. ko tahu kann doa bole mengubah takdir contohnye jodoh, tapi doa tak boleh ubah kematian..ko kene kuatkan hati and berdoa..Dia dengar..setiap ape yang kite lakukan kalaw kerana Allah, memng dapat pahale..dan pahale bukan diukur dengan ape yg kite buat tapi mcm mane kite bersusah payah nk buat..

    anyway aku pon have exams a few days..ntah la i didin’t do quite well da brape paper..aku just get drift away by my own carelessness, mistakes and problems..

    i just wish i cud have done better..
    aku nk do better, be better and feel better..

    aku nk be useful to the society and world, atleast that’s what i can think of rite now..tapi sometimes i feel like i’m so damage inside out..
    i’m not even speaking to my parents..

    • hope that you can feel better about the exam sbb aku rase mcm tulis paper utk subject non-exam lagi kinda “menyusahkan”. dah la nak kene buat proposal dulu pas tu hantar and dpt feedback then baru buat the main thing (sometimes in 2 parts), pas tu mcm skarang ni aku tgh cuti easter tapi i still have to submit those assignments online.
      it’s leceh.

      anyway i don’t get the lexie & izzie part. i thought you’re gonna say that i’m meredith (because you want to be christina. duh).

      aku agak penat sometimes i wish i could have done better too.

      but i think it just takes time maybe sometimes we can’t rush things.

      you can just go home for the holidays and cook and eat ramai2. or buy food and eat ramai2. or just call like once every 3 weeks and say “nana dah habis exam, paper tu tak byk kuar yg nana target, so tak sure mcm mane. okayla ade keje nk buat ni nanti kalau nana nak balik nanti nana inform”. or you can just text and say “lg ___ weeks nana start class. pas tu bulan ___ nana cuti”.

      you can just stick to the important ones or something. at least it’s better than nothing at all, kan.

      ala hakim ngan hazim kan ader. pas tu boleh lepak2 and mkn2 and dgar hazim recite his knowledge of the universe.

      and dgar hakim talk about bola or bieber or whatever.

      yeah. there’s still those kids there. unlike the cold world of adults and globalization and atheistic PoVs like the ones here.

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