of principles and people

Published May 3, 2011 by crystalights

i woke up after dreaming about going back.

.

pelik tak

how my dreams seemed to be showing me the opposite of reality

.

so yesterday aku masak ni

 

 

cerite nyer mcm ni.

ader org A yg rajin masak. dier ckp dier suke masak.

sblm tu, ader org B yg agak rajin jgk la masak and bake. tapi dier ckp dier suke baking.

pas tu ader org C yg rajin masak. and sometimes bake. dier tak ckp la dier suke masak ke suke bake tapi dier slalu buat both sblm2 ni.

pas tu ader la org mcm aku ni. yg  dlm bab2 m’masak akan usually ikut keadaan atau ikut panggilan hati.

so honestly, smenjak aku duduk di perantauan ni, hati aku tak brape memanggil aku utk masak. mood tak brape nak ader. keadaan pulak mcm tak berape mengizinkan sbb aku busy. aku bukannyer budak undergrad lagi mcm dulu yg boleh squeeze in cooking time almost everyday of the week.

kesibukan aku ni berbeza sbb it’s not governed by a completely clear outline and outcome mcm mse undergrad dulu, it’s now governed by a specific principle of how you are entitled to whatever amount of effort you wish to put in for your tasks and assignments and essays but the outcome will depend on the kind and amount of work you put in. ader lg byk variable, lg byk confounding factors, lg byk risks on the line. pendek kata tanggungjawab lebih besar.

so yes.

memang aku tak slalu masak.

most of the time, bagi aku, ckupla skdr ader something yg aku boleh mkn.

best ke tak best atau sedap ke tak sedap, tu sume aku tak ambik kire sgt.

sbb aku tahu, slalunyer kalau aku masak, it will take more than jst a couple of hours. drpd proses pilih and prepare ingredients smpai la to the last lay out, aku memang m’masak sgt lame. that is a fact. aku prnah masak smpai org yg nak mkn tu boleh baring2 tido2 dulu then bangun smule b’siap2 baru la dpt mkn. kesian dorg. aku pun tak smpai hati jugak bile tgok tapi nak buat camane aku jenis yg lagi suke buat everything sendiri no matter how long it takes then bile dh siap org tinggal dtg mkn je. bagi aku, mcm tu baru la betul2 ajak org mkn masakan kiter. bukannyer org tu kene dtg tolong kiter masak baru dier dpt mkn. i don’t like that idea.

so cube bygkan, dgn keadaan aku tgh buat postgrad ni and dgn aku punyer habit in the kitchen yg mcm tu, mcmane aku nak masak slalu utk org mkn?

nak dijadikan cerite, aku berada dikalangn org2 yg..boleh kata bukan mcm aku la.

so dorg nyer studies kat uni tak same mcm aku, pas tu yg the only other person buat postgrad jgk pun completely tak same course mcm aku. modul dier pun tak same. dier punyer contact hours for lessons agak sikit klau nk dibndingkn dgn aku, dan dier pun dh nak hbis, tnggal a few mnths je lg. dier pun ader pngalamn bkerja sblm ni dan postgrad yg dier buat pun sgt berkaitan dgn pkerjaan dier jadi dier agak bertuah sbb background kerja dier kinda membantu proses pengajian dier.

so of course, antara aku dan org A, B dan C mestila tak sama waktu kelapangan masing2, kn.

aku tak salahkan sesape la. ni hal hidup masing2 la.

aku just siapkan mknn sendiri seringkas yg mungkin, sandwich ke biskut ke pasta ke instant food ke, pandai2 la aku nk hidup.

asalkn ader mknn msuk perut then tak perfect pun takpe.

kalau org lain nk masak perfect2 then up to them la.

bukannyer aku mintak org masakkan utk aku.

bukan aku harap sgt nak mkn masakan org.

tapi bile org pelawe takdela aku tolak, sbb tak baik buat mcm tu bile org dh masak and betul2 ajak. tak nk la smpai kecikkan hati org.

bile org ajak mkn, usually walau mcmane pelik pun mknn dier aku takkan ckp tak sedap. tu kire mcm adab s’same insan la, tnjuk appreciation and courtesy sikit.

pas tu tibe2 ader la org berbunyi.

nada mcm berseloroh tapi aku faham la maksud tersirat kat situ.

mungkin dier rase mcm slalunyer org yg masak dan ajak mkn tu bukan aku.

mcm nak ckp “asyik tak masak je” tapi dier mcm ckp “you masak laa”. pas tu konon bergurau ckp ngn aku dier “nak mkn shark’s fin (ke) nasi beriyani (ke)”, mcm nak hinting that dier nak gourmet food, bukan masakan simple2 yg biase.

aku tahu dier m’mang rase aku patut masak, sbb sblm ni mase aku awal2 dtg pun dier dh pnah sound aku sruh aku masak sbb mase tu dier slalu masak lebih and bagi aku mkn.

nampak tak pattern kat sini?

dier dah biase masak and ajak mkn. so dier nak aku do the same.

aku faham.

tapi masalahnyer, bukan aku tak pernah masak langsung.

cume aku tak boleh la nak masak selalu mcm dier (yg dpt quite byk exemption dlm undergrad studies dier tu).

aku bukan dier.

neraca hidup kita pun mungkin tak same.

so faham2 je la

biasenyer kalau org dh ckp nk mkn, aku tak tolak.

semalam pulak last day cuti aku, pas ni maybe busy smule. so drpd tak masak langsung lg baik la masak something, jgn smpai org sebut2 (kononnyer) “nak rase air tangan aku” tapi tak dapat.

so yesterday i spent the entire afternoon smpai mlm preparing and cooking food.

smpai bau rempah satu rumah smpai dorg gi kedai kat luar tu org tanyer “baru lepas masak ke?” sbb bau melekat kat dorg.

(padahal aku masak bihun soto je pun).

bile aku tgh nk masak tu dier pulak ckp “(masak sbb kene) pressure ke?”, “kitorg saje gertak je”.

padahal bukan “kitorg”, dier sorg je yg sound aku pasal masak. dan dier bukannyer “saje gertak” aku, dier memang mean dier punyer point of how i should be cooking.

.

anyway,

hari ni bermula lah kembali kelas2 ku.

cuti easter dah tamat.

rase mcm kebas (numb) sbb cuti pun tak la cuti sgt.

the first few days was spent on assignments (dateline dlm waktu cuti tu jgk. online submissions).

pas tu i kinda continued my other assignment yg bukan due skrg pun, probably week 9 nanti. skrg nak msuk peringkat editing utk assignment tu

tapi i need to ask my prof about some things kot bfore i really complete the whole thing.

pas tu aku tnggu2 feedback utk 1 proposal and 1 lit rview smpai la end of the cuti. hari ni baru dpt 1 feedback, itu pun utk proposal je. 

i’m worried about my lit rview. aku dh submit on time dh tapi a few days later (after the dateline) aku dpt email telling me that i have to send it in another format. i kinda freaked out because that assignment is 40% of my total marks for the subject. 1 hari lambat tolak 10% tau. it’s a big deal so aku risau kalau dier consider my resubmission as a late submission sdgkn aku submit on time tapi format aku je yg dier tak nak so i resubmitted it (aku hntr pdf tapi dier nak word doc).

aku hntr pdf sbb aku tak nak setting aku lari. dh elok2 letak coverpage sume tak nak la benda tu b’terabur sbb hal format. skali rupe2 nyer dier nak word doc sbb dier nk msukkan annotation. aku ingatkan dier akan print out and mark mcm dlm subject aku yg lain sblm ni. rupe2nyer dier nak buat everything in soft copy.

i should have known.

i should have anticipated this coming from someone yg mcm dier, mestila dier nak ensure minimum resource consumption to reduce environmental impact, kan?

kenape la aku tak fikir ke situ awal2 lg?

based on dier punyer habits and behaviour pun patutnyer aku dh boleh detect dier punyer principles.

ini menunjukkan being observant je tak ckup, you have to use what you know to set up minimum risk plans just to be safe. 

.

tapi kan, subject yg lain tu pun mengutamakan sustainability jugak.

tutor aku utk subject yg lain tu bawak prius sbb nk reducekn GHG.

tapi dier okay je print kan assignment utk di mark.

sbb tu la aku kinda assumed that it’ll be that way.

.

so rule no.1, do not make assumptions.

rule no.2, treat different individuals as separate cases (even when they appear to be the same).

rule no.3, when in doubt, search and question.

.

okay then

i guess;

welcome to reality

~

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