no.500

Published May 5, 2011 by crystalights

so this is the way your heart resists the entire universe.

.

i think that it doesn’t take a lot to break that resistance.

but i don’t think i even have that much left

just let this heart resist then 

can’t help but feel

what about me

what about what i need

i need to feel like it’s not just about you or them too

i need to know that there is a place for me in this world

i need to know that i’m not just someone who endures harsh words cold shoulders mood swings darkness and chills just to accommodate to people’s wishes and whims

is that all that i’ll ever have my entire life

to deliver what everyone wants

to make things perfect for everyone

even if i have to get up on my own everytime i fall

i need to know that when i’m getting up i don’t have to fix things for people

because i need to fix myself too

.

i find myself rather going the extra mile to do what i didn’t plan to do than justifying something that i choose to do

not because i don’t want to be understood

but because i know i wouldn’t be understood

it takes more than your precious 2 minutes of the day to even have an inkling of understanding of what i’m dealing with

it’s fine if you don’t understand me

but just give me the benefit of the doubt

that i meant no harm and that my purpose isn’t self-centred

.

i never questioned your life choices regardless of how much we differ

i just keep on questioning myself

so that i judge myself first before i even think that i could judge you

.

i think i need to run and hide for a bit

because my surrounding isn’t supporting my soul-searching

.

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