Published May 10, 2011 by crystalights

i’m trying to not resent tomorrow’s class too much

i don’t mean to feel so uneasy with it

it’s jst that i felt like i don’t like that kind of character from a teaching personnel.

but i understand

some people jst have a rather orthodox, bland, dreary, dark way of conveying information

not that i’m degrading you as a teacher

i think i understand how you see the world through your eyes

when there are not many colours that you wish to see

then darkness is what you’ll find.

maybe when we get older we’ll feel that way too, i don’t know.

it’s just that i wasn’t expecting darkness when i signed up for this class

i was expecting a discovery of hope.


even when my world gets dark every once in a while

i somehow want to have hope.


so i think the real purpose people go to school is to learn things to help them make this world a better place

it’s not always rainbows and butterflies

it’s compromise that moves us along


because this world isn’t. better. yet.


i am not a good person

probably not a good teaching candidate

but if i were to teach

if i were to stand there every 2 hours of my wednesday morning

i want to be able to inspire as much as i want to be pragmatic and realistic.

there’s nothing wrong with being real and being “heartful”

you can be both and do so much better with what you’re doing

although the only judge to that is god

because there is not a thing that we have that does not come with god’s permission

i still believe that it is not wrong to put your heart where your head is going

so that you know that there are things that a heart is capable of

so that you know that having the right mind is not enough without the right heart


so yes

i find myself attending your wednesdays with a heavy heart

i find myself dreading it frm the night bfore

and trying to think of happy thoughts or anything to look frward to after those 2 hrs

do u know

that i don’t even feel that way when i sat for my other 3-4 hours class which ends very late where i have to stand the cold night waiting for the tram home

because with that class i somehow have hope.


so i think

somehow it’s hope that keeps us going.


if only u knew.



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