whittlesea and the story of one another

Published May 12, 2011 by crystalights

we went for our LCA in whittlesea today.

it was a totally different experience.

itula bile ikut tenage pengajar b’mjoriti lelaki

lunch on the bus.

digging + soil testing in the rain.

dier bukannyer kire hujan ke aper,

kalau dh kater gali dan kaji, maknenyer tu la bnda yg u kene buat lantak la weather dh cecah 7° pun

lantak la autumn nak mnjemput winter pun

lantak la break 15 min je. tu pun jst utk toilet

mse tgh on site tu aku siap doa2 lagi mintak2 slamatkan la tgn aku ni

rse mcm tgn dh nak beku berderai

smpai aku pegang tanah utk soil test pun t’rase mcm pegang some cold freezing thing

sriously.

pas tu kene put up with that asian-american girl punyer attitude

aku rase

b’syukur sgt sbb dh settle

b’syukur sgt aku tak explode kat minah tu

b’syukur sgt aku tak nangis kat situ

b’syukur sgt sbb dpt blajar a lot of things on site, despite everything else going on at the same time.

.

i’m just glad that i can get a break from being near her

bcause today was really a test of the limits of my patience.

.

aku t’silap sikit je

jst t’silap kata antara “slope” dgn “undulation”

tapi dier punyer “membahasakan” aku mcm aper

mcm aku ni btul2 buat silap yg hina giler

pas tu aku cam taken aback skit, tak tahu camane nak react sbb rse mcm t’kjut sgt dgn ke”kurang ajar”an dier

so aku jst ckp “yeah” pas tu blah

aku iye kan je la

padahal aku bukan nak ckp psl slope dgn undulation pun, sbnrnyer aku nk tanye mcmane nk gune alat utk determine the undulation or the slope

sbb mse aku ambik alat tu dier ckp dier nak pkai

pas tu aku pun bagi la dier gune then aku tanye mcmane nk dtermine that measurement

pas tu dier snyap, aku ingatkn sbb dier tgh concentrate, so aku pun tnggu la dier hbis gune mgkin dier akn ckp aftr that

skali,

bukan stakat dier tak jawab soalan aku dan tak ajar aku how to use that tool

dier siap sound aku lagi sbb t’salah gune p’kataan smbil pandang aku mcm sinis giler

sriously

dh la dier ckp dgn nada menjengkelkan psl alat tu utk slope, bukan utk undulation (mcm aku ni tak tahu langsung what that thing is for),

pas tu dier tak bgtau pun mcmane nk dtrmine slope (despite kata2 yg memalukan aku tu).

aku rase, kalau dh alang2 nk malukan aku tu, curah la ilmu sikit

takde la t’rse sebal sgt hati aku mcm nak pecah berderai

bukan nak kater aper la

tapi tibe2 t’fikir: ni ke cara yg americans ajar pada asian yg tinggal di america

supaye same2 live life the american way:

it doesn’t matter if your attitude slices people open

as long as you’re the one doing the slicing and they’re the ones left open

then everything should be allright (to you).

is that it?

i hate generalizing

but sriously

i feel the uselessness of civilization when it is not governed by a moral code

when morality and respect is not honoured among people

it doesn’t matter at which stage you’re at

you won’t stay there for long anyway

.

aku tanyer team mate yg lain

pun tak tahu jgk how to use that tool

bukan aku sorg je yg tak tahu use it

(aku tgok dier gune alat tu pun mcm pkai agak2 je)

so kenape pulak nak b’kasar dgn aku?

.

aper gunenyer berilmu tinggi

kalau attitude mcm tu

agak2 boleh bahagia ke

.

kalau aku nak marah2 bertekak mencarut2 atau pijak kasut dier smbil tarik2 that perfectly silky long black hair

mknenyer aku ni same je la dgn org2 mcm tu kan.

kalau aku nak main kasar and malukan dier terus potong ckp dier around lunch time tadi and cakap kuat2 “YOU HAVE CHEESE STICKING ON YOUR FACE” (padahal cheese tu tak smpai 1 cm pun)

mknenyer aku same je la dgn org2 mcm tu kan.

kalau aku nak sit in the bus and talk about “we’re just gonna stick to what we’re doing, i don’t wanna re-learn (other) things..i’m all about efficiency” mcm org lain tak fikir efficiency, mcm org lain tak fikir about what should or shouldn’t be done, mcm org lain takde bnda langsung yg difikirkan, mcm org lain takde jawapan + takde persoalan,

then maknenyer aku same je la dgn org2 mcm dier kan

aku org melayu

hidup kita ada budaya tatasusila dan agama

kalau dh tak tahan t’ringin sgt nk kurang ajar dan pentingkan diri pun ada batas tempat dan waktu

bukan semue boleh pkai sondol redah je

bukan semua boleh pkai serang je “the american way”

sriously

tak ke mane pun america tu

kalau aku la

tgok matawang pun aku dh t’rse insecure

rase malu sbb nilai matawang aku lebih kurang same je mcm some other eastern country sdgkan aku ni america

the supposed dominator of the world

pas tu rase malu sbb ader wall street tapi dislamatkan oleh taxpayer’s money

sdgkan taxpayer tak perlu pun wall street

dorg boleh create their own market-efficient trade

lama2 if it gets efficient enough silap2 they won’t even need a “white house”

.

i don’t know if i’ll get arrested for this but

i’m just putting into words what thousands of others probably had thought of before me

so

aku rase sgt2

penting utk hidup berbudaya dan bertatasusila

kalau aku ada family dan anak2 nanti aku pun mgkin risau nak bagi anak2 aku duduk negara org lame2

takut2 kalau anak aku t’ikut2 jadi kurang ajar mcm tempat negare dier tinggal tu

takut2 kalau anak aku t’mkn racun ghouzwatul fiqh ni

takut2 kalau anak aku t’keliru dgn arus western hegemony ni

tu la sbbnyer bagi aku,

penting utk kiter ingat asal usul kita

penting utk kiter syg pd akar kita

siape kiter yg sbnrnye

bukan kedudukan darjat  dan kemewahan s’mata2

wlwpun hujan emas kat negara org, hujan batu kat negara sndiri

bukan b’mksud emas tu slalu yg lbih baik

tgok keadaan jugak

kdg2 kiter perlukan batu

utk bina rumah yg kukuh dan slamat

emas takkan jadi bahan binaan yg selamat

emas takkan jamin rumah yg aman dan menenangkan

boleh tidur mlm ke bile tinggal dlm rumah yg dibuat dari emas?

bukan stakat jadi bahan tarikan utk rompakan, electrical conductivity pun sgt tinggi. so jadi hazard plak kat situ.

(haha)

.

anyway

the point is that

bukan semue bnda dlm negare kita sendiri tu betul dan perfect

tapi wlwpun mcm tu, tak bermaksud negare orang yg paling sempurna

tak bermaksud negara barat tu yg terbaik

kiter tak boleh nak simply label exactly in one way what is usually viewed through different paradigms

it’s just that as we learn we shape our own way of looking at it.

.

so in what way do you want it to be?

do you want to be the very things that you know isn’t the rightful constituents of what you came from?

do you just want to be another bubble in the shallow end of the ocean?

or do you want to be a diamond in the rough- initially hidden and forsaken but eventually chosen and taken on the path to perfection.

.

that girl

is like an evidence of how a life is not only shaped by its intrinsic nature but also its external environment

it’s not just one thing that leads to another

it’s multiple things and multiple others

i wonder who is gonna show her how much better life could be without such insolence.

.

anyway.

it’s a long rant.

it’s been a long day anyway.

i should conclude this story with a: “goodnight” and “happy thinking”.

*waves*

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