it’s just that i’m not ready to share my hiding place.
i only have like 2-3 locations. and 1 of them is already invaded by that dude so lately i haven’t been going there anymore.
and the 2nd one is cold and without the utilities that i need so since winter’s approaching i can’t really sit there for a while.
the last 1 is smaller and can only hold a limited nmbr of people at a time so i don’t want to have to be there with people that i know.
i need that kind of environment when i do my work.
i can’t bring you along
i’m not okay with that.
what i can offer you is just some other places where you can go to, where i don’t feel like i’ll go to for now (ie. places that have enough facilities but are more open to public).
because it’s not like you’ll bring me along when you have your things going on, kan
kdg2 aku rase bile kau tak nk diganggu kau tak kisah je buang aku mane2
bile kau nak something boleh pulak kau kutip aku balik
when you have to finalize your assignments
when you want a face to fill in your extra time
when you want to go somewhere for your studies/work
so i guess
two can play this game
this isn’t retribution
it’s just that this is as far as my consideration and compassion can go
i don’t need to be alone
i just need to be away from you
aku rase aku tak boleh ikut kau
kau pun tak pyh la ikut aku
haven’t you noticed? i think i’ve stopped asking.
don’t get me wrong
i think you’re a great person for someone your age
you’re smart and good-natured
but cautious and opinionated
you’re the kind of child that most parents would ask for
it’s just that we don’t really fit the norms of a true friendship
i know that i can sit there with you while you study
i can stay and listen to you talk about what you’ve learnt
i can give feedback and be your study friend
but i don’t want to give you that
i’ve never really given anyone that
apart from a very small number of people in the last few yrs that i’m home.
maybe this is me being selfish
but i can’t be to you what you’ve never really been for me.
esok aku tnjukkan kau mane kau boleh pergi, insyaAllah.
lpas tu aku nak go somewhere else to do my own things.
aku rase tak larat.
kenape pulak nak tanye why aku tak buat kerja kat rumah?
perlu ke aku explain?
it’s not like i have to be in this house
it’s not like it matters whether or not i’m there or not there
bukan aku nak halang kau pergi tmpat yg aku nk prgi, tmpat tu bukan milik aku, tapi aku jst nak berada jauh dari org2 (mcm kau) utk tmpoh wktu ni.
all around me people have bought flight tickets to go home
what kind of joke is this
that i don’t even know when i’ll be home let alone arrange flight dates
i can’t pacify you
when i’m the one being patronized