even when there’s so much that doesn’t make sense,
i still want to hold on to them until they do.
like that book in my bag that i don’t want to return but don’t have the will to read
or that song in my player that i don’t want to delete but don’t want to listen to
sometimes i get so weird
i even freak myself out
i met some people today
FPI students frm UKM who came here on a visit
UKM gave them mney for a 1 mnth visit
not sure what program that is that they applied to
some people are lucky that they get to go back home after sight-seeing/cultural learning for a month
while some people just have to trudge along (not for sight-seeing) for as long as they’re supposed to.
i’m not blaming fate and destiny
i’m just patching up my wounds and rethinking things.
sometimes i don’t want to think that i’m here too.
i guess i feel okay when i meet people
but when i sit somewhere to clear my head
everything comes back right on
it’s overwhelming when you feel too much
kdg2 aku rase kalau aku bukan org Islam yg p’caye pada takdir aku boleh jadi gila
you know that the sun rises and the seasons change and the world keeps on spinning
everything’s going and flowing and inching forward
and you’re moving along with time
you know that your world isn’t entirely whole
and when people talk to you and you look at them
your glances are like a secret plea that no one detects
but you detected their secret calling
you know what they’re looking for
you just don’t know if you’re in a position to deliver.
so here comes autumn shifting to winter
i shouldn’t put my pic on display like this
but i figured since my face isn’t even bigger than the nail on my pinkie i thought it’d be okay (if not then i guess i could password this one later).
this is me.
that’s practically where i’ve been lately. to and fro.
life’s getting a bit tougher.
assgnment ribu2 perkataan. pas tu exam around some corners.
and this is off topic but,
i don’t think i can get married anytime soon.
i’m not done with things yet.
i need to fix my life. need to fix our home back home. need to fix the people of my country. need to fix the system.
i want to know that i have been to the extreme
so knock me off my feet
come on now give it to me
anything to make me feel alive
is it enough to love
is it enough to breathe
somebody rip my heart out
and leave me here to bleed
is it enough to die
somebody save my life
i’d rather be anything but ordinary please
it’s just that a lot of people are doing or have done that
and sometimes i get that kind of question (because i’m about to be 24)
for me to think about it
i don’t know.
am i marriage-phobic or men-phobic or relationship-phobic?
don’t i feel anything?
maybe it’s not that i don’t feel anything
it’s just that i have many things that i’m feeling already.
even the littlest things makes the fine lines amplify
so walking away from that thought makes it easier
what if you can no longer do what you’ve always thought you’d do and what you wish to do just because someone decides to put a ring on your finger
what if he doesn’t think you have a right to realize your dreams because he owns you, dreams included.
what if you can’t be who you are anymore because you’re someone’s wife above all else.
semua tu pengorbanan.
yg sgt besar.
i’m not sure if it’s something that i’m capable of.
i’m not the best example of how a woman should be.
berkorban pun t’rse berat.
i should stop
i probably wouldn’t really remember exactly what i’ve written come tomorrow morning because i don’t think i’m very awake right now