Published June 16, 2011 by crystalights

i don’t like cooking up a post like this but there are just things that i think i have to pour out here before my feelings gets worse

 

so today is the first day of my holidays

 

i know that i wanna take things easy

 

i know what is allright for me

 

so kenape pulak aku kene justify my plans to people?

 

soalan mcm “you takde aper2 plan SENDIRI ke?” is like very menyakitkan hati

 

jst because aku decide to follow some people kluar

 

jst because aku decide nak penuhi undangan gathering yg biase2 mcm mase non-holidays dulu

 

just because bile kau smpai2 je aku dh ader

 

just because kau lg byk kluar drpd aku

 

it doesn’t mean that aku completely takde aper2 pun yg dirancang utk diri sndiri, okay.

 

and even if i haven’t planned anything yet for myself doesn’t mean aku cume tahu nak pergi where people like you would bring me to je okay

 

it doesn’t mean that you terpakse babysit me for the holidays

 

it doesn’t mean that i am completely incapable of coming up with my own plans and searching for my own location to be in when you’re not there.

 

i don’t know what exactly it is that you’re trying to imply

but i don’t think i like it.

 

dah la aku tanyer psl gathering tu je pun kau mcm not very keen on explaining where it is (siap sruh aku tgok web lg sedangkan kau ckp tempat dier kat blakang your place of study)

 

pas tu mcm nak tanyer aku mcm aku ni takde place to go

 

what kind of action is that?

.

i’m tired

 

penat exam pun tak habis lg

 

so bagi la aku space sikit

 

ingat aku takde perasaan ke

 

.

 

kalau aku tak dpt maklumat where to go tu drpd kau, kau rase aku memang cannot work things out on my own ke?

 

memang aku tak berupaya nak pergi ke?

 

.

 

aku ader byk things going on in my head

 

aku rase aku tak perlu nak jelaskan pada sape2 betapa “berupaya” nyer aku

 

i’ve had enough of being young and desperately trying to prove my self-worth

 

aku tak perlu explain pun maner aku nak pergi or kenapa aku tak pergi

 

itu hak aku nak simpan jadi rahsia

 

sbb aku tak nak rase menyesal when people invade my space at the wrong tim.

 

.

 

so boleh tak back off

 

and for once i’m not asking you to lie, i’m just hoping that you won’t speak everything you deemed as the truth

 

sbb aku terase mcm dh byk kali

 

ada benda2 yg kau tak perlu ckp kan pun pada aku

 

ada benda yg patutnya aku tak perlu dengar pun drpd kau

 

because they just hurt me deeper but don’t benefit you more

 

jadi utk apa dickpkan klau hanya mendatngkn rasa sakit hati

 

bukan  ke itu sesuatu yg sia2 namanya

 

.

 

“all that you say must be the truth, but not all truths you must say.”

 

so there.

 

the anger that you invoke in me today has just triggered a whole entry right here

 

membazir blogpost aku je

 

padahal asalnyer aku nak tulis benda lain

 

tapi nak buat camane, hati dhsakit

 

kene la lepaskan prasaan dulu kat sini.

 

sekian.

 

pas ni sila la try utk beragak2 skit bila nk berckp tu.

 

 

that is all.

2 comments on “

  • that’s exactly what i did to make myself feel ahead from others or to predict things..
    i read between lines a lot..and i decipher people a lot weyh.

    u know what that happens because i use to be carefree and something happen along the way, so i stop being so carefree.

    and then it was okay in the beginning when i start reading between lines,

    but then it becomes a compulsion, like every single thing aku buat aku read between lines..

    and now bende ni really troubling aku sebab aku da mingle around with people yg never mean anything in what they did tapi aku just tak bole stop because it hurt me to know the things that i thought by reading between lines in dorng punye action..

    it’s fulfilling in the beginning tapi in the end sometimes ko tak payah nak read pon..buat endah tak endah je, sebab in future u’ll be trouble weyh..

    mmg ar ko kene jage ukhwah tapi tak yah change how u do things kalaw bende tu akan menyusakan ko later..

    take it from the person yg da get troubled by reading between the lines.

  • betol ke people never mean anything in wht they do?

    bukan ke every little thing means something, wlwpun benda tu diluar sedar.

    i have to realize what it means even if people don’t, because i can’t let it pass by without understanding it so that i don’t get dragged down by it

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