the boulevard

Published June 23, 2011 by crystalights

 

okay la.

 

jom kiter cerite psl duit.

 

sbb ni blog aku, aku nk berterus terang.

biarlah aku cerite isi hati aku kt benda yg bukan hidup (mcm blog ni).

 

mase aku dtg sini,

aku dpt duit sara diri utk 6 bln yg pertama.

which means dari februari smpai august itu la duit yg diberi utk aku meng”support” aku punyer life kat perantauan ni.

selepas 6 bln, baru aku akn dpt duit saraan diri secara bulanan smpaila the end (insyaAllah).

 

masalah aku is aku tak sure pun duit bulan august (dan seterusnya) tu akn masuk bile.

aku nk dtg sini pun aku dh spend money on things in preparation for my departure.

skrg dh nk msuk penghujung june and awal july

so duit yg aku ada tu i have to manage supaye dpt byr sewa + additional bill + transportation + makanan utk menyara diri sehingga la elaun bulanan tu msuk nanti.

 

kat sini, hdup seorg international student m’mang agak expensive. 

sewa mahal.

transport mahal.

mknn (ready-to-eat) mahal.

mknn masak sendiri kdg2 mahal, kdg2 tak la. (tapi bukan slalu aku dpt masak. nama pun student).

 

stakat nk pergi-balik uni atau tempat2 area t’dekat ni pun tiket utk 1 week lebih kurang $30.20.

klau nk beli tiket bulanan dlm $115.

 

so yes.

aku kene la manage mcmane nk survive.

 

duduk kt sini biasenyer mcmane pun kene spend money jgk wlwpun utk benda2 yg common mcm pergi ke kelas.

 

aku usahakn cari or try part-time job, tapi stakat ni belom ada hasil lg.

kt sini it’s not tht easy for foreigners cam aku nk get a job, lbih2 lg wthout experience and also belom lama pun aku dh tinggal kt sini, baru a few months.

 

so ye la.

kdg2 kiter kene struggle la sikit2.

aku tak la frust or depressed.

just ader sikit2 risau and a little bit sad.

but i think it’s okay.

aku rase ader hikmah sume yg jadi ni.

ada hikmah

walaupun skrg tgh musim cuti pas tu aku kene tapis activity mane 1 yg aku boleh join, mane satu yg aku tak boleh ikut, mane 1 yg aku mesti usahakan jgk utk pergi (because it’s important) wlwpun aku tgh try nk berjimat-cermat.

walaupun aku t’pakse bagi mcm2 alasan bile aku tak join trip yg almost evryone i know in the circle join.

walaupun aku t’pakse buat2 acuh tak acuh bile kwn2 tanye psl shopping things.

walaupun aku t’pakse budget brg rmh and phone credit.

skurang2nyer, bile aku berada dlm situasi mcm ni aku dpt jgk try to prioritize my activities so that i can sustain my living.

 

umur aku dh nk mencecah 24,

patutnyer aku dh kerja, rase tak patut la nk mintak duit parents lg.

 

i have to show my dad that i don’t have to ask him for money.

i have to show him that i am not 16 anymore. i’m not that girl that he switched schools for just because he thinks i deserve a better learning environment.

 

he can’t fix things for me.

even if he can, i won’t allow it.

 

so there.

 

esok kwn2 aku akn pergi trip tu.

aku tak rase aku boleh afford the whole transportation fees + entrance fee + shopping expenses.

 

takpela,

ini la hidup.

bukan mesti slalu senang.

bukan semestinya slalu bahagia.

 

dlm byk2 tu, ader jgk org yg faham.

kakak usrah aku pun ada offer nk tlg,

tapi aku tak rasa aku sanggup ditolong mcm tu

my heart won’t allow it.

 

aku sgt thankful

tapi aku rase biarlah aku sendiri uruskan hal hidup aku sendiri,

bagi aku

ckupla kalau ada yg faham (wlwpun tak semua).

 

aku just have to berusaha lebih sikit perhaps until the allowance comes in.

 

sehingga waktu tu,

aku just try je la to deal with it in whatever way i can, insyaAllah.

 

so kdg2

aku ader la jgk rase agak terpedih hati sikit

bile ade org tu mcm tak faham pulak situation aku

pas tu buat benda2 yg buat aku rase

mcm aku memang dlm boulevard of broken dreams

i walk this empty street

on the boulevard of broken dreams

where the city sleeps

and i’m the only one and i walk alone

 

so sometimes i just take it like a psychological battle

as long as i show i’m okay

then it should look like i’m okay.

 

org yg tak ingin faham kita tak perlu beri pemahaman.

 

kita just; walk the emptiness away

 

and everything should be just okay.

 

aku rase

aku okay.

and i wouldn’t want to let anyone change that.

 

 

2 comments on “the boulevard

  • weyh..weyh

    ko tak yah nyanyi lagu ar weyh..weyh kat sane ko ade bli megi takk..

    megi kann fav food ko

    aku ingat nak anta brg kat ko..ko jgn risau.tunggu je..

    hazim also have something for you.

  • aku bli maggi tapi dier tak jual 1 big pack (yg halal).
    maggi halal ader la tapi jual single packs.

    anyway,
    bile kau nak ajar hazim kire duit sen ngn ringgit btol2 ni? ko tak risau ke tgok dier jawab exm?

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