no luxury

Published June 24, 2011 by crystalights

 

aku dh forward email tu kt pihak2 yg aku rase b’kaitan.

ayah suruh aku call office M on monday.

aku rase aku nk buat surat penjelasan aku and also bwk financial statemnt aku and then argue my case kt university jgk kot (insyaAllah).

 

aku tgh buat keje skrg ni, byk jugakla.

 

aku rase mcm nak nangis pun ader.

 

aku just penat.

 

aku nk curl in bed and cry and then sleep,

 

tapi i still have a lot to do.

 

lgpun esok aku nk attend talk tu jgk, sbb mencari ilmu tu part of tugas kita sbg insan kan.

 

aku tak boleh nak ikut perasaan je all the time, tak boleh la selfish sgt kan

 

walaupun aku rase hiba mcm nk berderai airmate bile fikir psl things and also psl people

 

i mean,

aku tahu la keje yg aku buat ni cam agak twisted

tapi kakak usrah aku ckp asalkn niat hati kita nk tolong, insyaAllah boleh.

so nape pulak react cam tu?

maybe sbb bfore that pun kiter m’mang tgh ader some kind of “issue” btween us kot.

mungkin keadaan kita pun dh sedia keruh

pas tu bile hal kecik2 yg lain jadi, makin b’tambah la yg keruh tu.

 

okay aku confess.

aku ambik upah buatkan assignment org.

is that so hideously incorrigibly unacceptable?

i mean, dorg bukan student yg same course ngn aku pun,

dorg dh nak grad dah, ape salahnyer aku tolong?

aku pun dpt blajar somethng bile buatkn assignmnt utk org, or at least dpt berfikir something yg diluar bidang course yg aku study kt uni skrg.

it’s a mental, physical challenge.

lgpun dorg org Islam yg need help sbb dorg part time study, part time kerja.

siang study, mlm kerja, bile lg nk dpt settlekan assignment?

 

aku tahu la kau cari kerja pun bukan kerja biase2 yg mcm aku cari

you seemed to stick with your bidang, like those preppy, blue-collared jobs that you’ve done bfore

well i’m not in a position to choose

i don’t have that luxury that you have

bapak aku bukan businessman yg tanggung pengajian aku

keupayaan aku pun tak la hebat sgt

jadi biarla aku buat aper yg aku rase terdaya nk buat

 

i have a lot to think about

bile kau react mcm tu, aku rase hati aku bertambah sempit

aku rase mcm sgt perit nk lepas dari aper yg aku tanggung ni.

 

is it right to react in that manner to me?

 

aku rase ckup serabut

tak pyhla kau tmbhkn sesak hati aku.

 

 

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