in the real world, people don’t usually consider your needs.
generally speaking, they don’t wait for you to agree,
they don’t consider your understanding,
they don’t mind losing whatever little loss it means if they don’t have your commitment,
they don’t really care.
in the real world, people love their pride.
generally, they like knowing that they are capable of something even if it means someone else is gonna look almost incapable,
they like making clear that they know what they really know especially if they think that they are among the few who knows,
they love their pride enough to think that what they think make sense at least at one puny little point or another,
they want to think in the way that they think is substantial.
i think that there is nothing substantial in something that is solely what we think.
for something to be substantial, it isn’t merely one person’s spew of words with nothing else to substantiate it.
isn’t that like a revolutionized self-assurance?
berbalik pada asal usul,
Rasulullah pun tak berbuat sesuka pendapat sendiri.
aku rase mcm stress.
sbb aku tak suka keputusan yg “instant”.
mcm mi segera.
instantly nice-looking (in the beginning).
pas tu, instantly soggy.
tak cukup substance.
aku tak suka benda yg hancai.
aku tak suka dialog2 mcm “..it’s not like they’re gonna assess us anyway..” pas tu nk sruh org tulis benda yg mcm tak make sense because “..it’s not like they’re gonna check/give marks or anything..”
aku tak suka bila org mcm tak really show interest of listening to what i’m talking about in a group discussion because you’re too preoccupied with talking about whatever and then when you’re not too busy talking you still don’t really listen. is it because you’re too fly for my point of views? but you listen to someone else’ point of view or ask them the same thing that i asked you. is it because you wanna know what that someone thinks? is it because you don’t think of me the same way as you think of that person?
aku tak suka “..let’s discuss by email..” (padahal dh discuss mase meeting), pas tu nk pakai email utk change the decision and cerita 1 session of presentation based on 3 different readings; wei, baik tulis essay je wei
bile kene work based on different readings, aku bukan harap nak discuss readings tu dlm email pun. readings tu masing2 pndai2 sndiri la. yg aku nak is what we want to come up with based on the readings. bukannyer readings tu cerita psl aper.
yg tak best nyer aku pun ulas la jgk skit, ye la tk nak la ada assumption as if aku tak baca readings tu pulak.
aku stress sebab aku rase mcm aku sorang je stress dlm kelas2 ni sume.
kenape aku tak bleh chill je.
oh right. i have like an entire world to think about other than myself. can i ever afford to just chill and relax je? isn’t that a luxury? i didn’t come here for free.
sometimes happiness is expensive.
so you just live with whatever cheapness you can afford.
aku just risau dgn keadaan diri aku yg sibuk dgn hal2 mcm ni
masa aku utk ramadhan pun mcm terjejas.
aku tak nak la complain, tapi kdg2 rase cam bengang pulak sbb tak bleh nak control what i feel.