dear nana (12.8.2011)

Published August 12, 2011 by crystalights

dear nana,


i think i’m still trying to feel like i’m wingin’ it.



kenape aku ni byk sgt fikir psl benda2 tak baik yg mungkin akan berlaku. asyik berburuk sangke je. just because i have heard of something bad in the past doesn’t mean that it can happen in the future. setiap orang mesti ada at least sikit kebaikan dlm diri dia kan. tak fair kalau aku nak label semua org yg berciri sama tu sbg bersifat sama. maybe they’re just similar, but not the same.

kdg2 aku rase i can’t help it. it’s like my own way of being on guard.


i hope the parcels will arrive safely.

kalau dh smpai bgtahu aku, and also inform me what contents you received (so that i can be assured that nothing’s missing), insyaAllah.

mudah2an sampai dgn selamat, Amiin.



today is my second day tak berpuase.

aku tak sangke aku dtg bulan dlm bulan ni. ingatkan bulan tu dtg bulan depan ke bulan2 lain ke. (mcm the previous ramadhan).

tapi takpela. terime je la.

after 10 days puase, aku pn dtg bulan.

patut la rase mcm bengang2 and emo je.

lagi2 bile interact with people dlm groupwork.

lagi2 bile people dlm groupwork for presentation tu ader lelaki ajnabi yg look at you in a certain way when you’re talking, almost as if you’re not what you believe you are,

lagi2 bile dlm aktiviti kuliah ader lelaki ajnabi yg look at you in a very unsettling manner when you responded to his points dlm kumpulan,

lagi2 bile dalam tutorial group pulak ader lelaki ajnabi yg look at you almost as if he’s scrutinizing what you’re made of when you talk,

i was like: *menyirapnyer darahku* (inside).

lagi2 bile ada subject yg related to planning and architecture punyer bahagian. yg didominasi oleh kaum adam. bukan aku nak anti-lelaki ke aper, tapi aku rase i don’t have to be an architecture OR urban planning MALE scholar for me to speak or write in a “sustainability” discussion, kan. 

issues of sustainability is part of the “environmental” discipline. it is part of what i’m studying. so even if i probably look at it in a way different than urban planners and architects or design students look at it, i still think that we’re not that much far apart in terms of what we’re heading for.

tapi tk tahu la, mgkin ni cume perasaan aku yg didorong oleh emosi dan sikit2 PMS je kot.

i hope it’s just me (but then again, do i?)

i don’t know.



goodnite (aku nk smbung buat assignment).








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