i don’t want to (part 2).

Published November 24, 2011 by crystalights

i don’t want you to do things FOR ME because i don’t want you to THINK or FEEL like i depend on you FOR ANYTHING.

i don’t want you to THINK that i NEED you FOR ANYTHING.

dua bnda ni, paling2 aku tak berkenan.

i don’t really like people THINKING that i NEED or DEPEND on them. for ANY/WHATEVER thing or reason.

even when i sometimes do (to some extent, to some people) have things that i want, i really don’t think i want to. with you.

when people think that i NEED them or DEPEND on them, i feel UNCOMFORTABLE.

this dependency and need is not something that i am happy with.

i like feeling like i am doing what i have to do and what i can do for my own self and for the people around me and that i don’t have to hope for anyone to do it for me because i can. do it.

if i want something, i’ll figure out something, insyaAllah.

not NEEDING people like you to “help” me.

it’s in the way that i was brought up.

it’s like my way of living.

and i don’t really like anyone doing anything to change that.

 

because i don’t know what i would have to sacrifice in return if i was “helped” by some people.

bukan nk berprasangka, hanya aku nk berhati2. sbb aku dh pnah face this kind of thing a few times and it’s not very pleasant. it’s hurtful.

bcause bukan sume manusia boleh give willingly hanya kerana Allah.

aku faham. i’m not saying it’s okay, i’m jst saying i undrstand.

aku tak menyalahkan,

aku cume harap tuhan pun maafkan aku bile usaha dan perlakuan aku tak smpurna

bila rungutan hati aku mencemari amalanku

bila keikhlasan itu dtg dgn sgt lambat dan perlahan, atau kdgkala lgsung tk ada.

aku tk nk letak ape2 excuse pn for my bhaviour.

 

i just hope that i can at least try to be better.

 

insyaAllah, tmrow ader some sisters’ gathering (final, bfore BFG).

BFG is: “back for good”, bukan “big final goodbye”, bukan jgk “big friendly giant” mcm dlm cerite Roald Dahl tuh.

and speaking of Roald Dahl, i found some Wonka candies ysterday (as in Willy Wonka in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory).

sape2 yg bace blog ni (yg aku knal la), nak tak Wonka candies tu? name dier Gobstoppers (klau tak silap. like in that book). klau nak, maybe aku bleh la belikan & bwk balik msia.

(ha cpt, time ni la sesuai mngaku if you read my blog, fr those candies).

 

anyway,

aku ade kje lg ni.

my friend need smthng done by mnday,

pas tu bku2 ngn nota tk hbis kmas lg,

pas tu ader some thng(s) nk buat b4 sis gath tmrow

pas tu nxt week nk arrnge bdah buku ber-duo, mayb dua kali sminggu, so blom prepare pn lg

pas tu aku blom figure out lg camane nk ulang alik airport semurah mgkin

pas tu maybe aku mcm nk pergi intrview UMK lbih kurng 2 and a hlf weeks lg yg aku blom prepare jgk.

so yes.

everyday aku ader bnda nk dbuat,

jst bcause aku dh hbis uni tasks doesn’t mean i have nothing to do

(so aku cm tk bkenan whn pple who don’t know what to do with their plenty of time is seeking my attention/energy/commitment to “fill their time” for them).

sorry, but: lu pikir la sendiri.

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: