realizations.

Published December 5, 2011 by crystalights

 

dlm hidup ni i’m still searchng for somethng yg aku rase aku masih blum dpt.

mgkn sbb aku tk ckup mncari

kelemahan tu ada pd aku,

aku tk salahkn sesiape.

 

right now full results masih blum kluar lg

ader lg 1 subject yg blum ada result

i tell myself to not worry or have that fear

because i want my fear to only be towards The One who Created me

 

but i’m still trying

 

insyaAllah hri ni ada interview kt city

it’s frm a malaysian university,

i’m still thinking about some things,

not sure how it will work out.

 

aku harap aku sedar bahawa apa pun yg tuhan tentukan utk aku, itulah yg terbaik utk aku.

 

Astaghfirullahalazim.

 

La hau la wa la quwwata illa billah.

 

saat2 mcm ni, ksibukan aku tk mcm ksibukan dlm smester

tk mcm ksibukan yg lbih mencabar physical & mental yg aku kene attend classes, buat groupwork or individual work, kejar due dates, find out about things at the same time luangkan mase utk perkara2 non-campus.

skrg, ksibukan aku masih ada lg ruang2 yg lain

even when i attend other things, i still feel that longing of going back soon.

maksudnyer kesibukan aku tak ckup maximum utk memadamkan rase ni.

it’s like a drug. like i need a distraction so that i don’t feel like i’m deprived of a home that i think i need to come home to.

 

aku rasa berdosa

sbb dlm hati dan diri aku ni tak ckup dibina satu perhubungan yg sempurna antara aku dan Pencipta-ku

sbb tu lah hati aku tak tenang,

sbb aku rase mcm jauh dari Dia.

klau hubungan aku dgn Dia lebih smpurna

s’kurang2nya, prasaan yg mendukakan aku bukan perkra2 duniawi, tapi perkara2 yg menghalang jalanku mendekati-Nya dan mencari redha-Nya.

i think,

my worries are still petty and perhaps inconsequential.

ape yg aku risau dan takut tu, rsenye bukan betul2 sesuatu yg aku patut risau dan takutkan

 

sesungguhnya Allah dh tntukan semuenye utk setiap insan.

 

Astaghfirullahalazim.

 

smlm i think, i realize a lot of things.

no, bukan smlm je, i think stiap hari ada sesuatu yg baru yg tuhan izinkan utk diperlihatkan kpd aku.

smlm, dlm hari kluarga yg aku attend tu, aku nmpak quite a few pple bawak kluarga dtg.

and then i see how these students (like me) have that character resemblance which relates to their families, especially the parents.

when i saw their mothers,

i think i understand a little more of their sons and daughters.

i think, i looked at this person and i guess i realized that

all this while there was still a side that i did not know of

i think,

when a child is left on his/her own for most of his/her younger life

he/she becomes the kind of person that adapts to things that requires his/her own inner strength

and sometimes, it might not be an easy and pleasant thing for him/her,

and not everyone can become this,

but because that was wht happened to them, then that is part of what makes them the way they are

 

people who were left behind,

they grow differently than people who were molly-coddled their entire life.

 

it’s like the affectionate and non-affectionate thing.

i guess sometimes you might just become something that has adapted to the things that you’re used to.

 

ksimpulannya,

bukan semua org grow up in the same manner

and bukan semua org ada the same mannerisms

sometimes byk benda yg tlah berlaku terhadap seseorg yg kite tk nampak

yg kita nampak adalah hasilnya

slpas semua yg dh terjadi tu membentuk sbhgn peribadi seseorg tu

 

so i think,

i have to remind myself that even when i think i know someone

there are still things that i might not know of.

 

ok.

i want to go and bersiap.

 

insyaAllah.

 

 

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