you. all of you.

Published December 25, 2011 by crystalights

i didn’t do what i did because i’m proud of it,

i know that the credit is not mine.

i did it because i want to let some people know. where i am. what i’ve done.

that’s all.

i don’t think it’s something to be proud about, all good things are from The One True Creator.

they’re not from me, not because of me.

 

i didn’t know anything other than what god has allowed me to know,

i didn’t learn anything other than what god has allowed me to learn.

i got through it because of god’s mercy upon me.

 

so

i just thought i’d let you know.

not really for the purpose of proving my self-worth or anything like that,

but rather,

just to let you know.

that i am somewhere. where you can know and see.

and that you can reach out to me.

that i am there.

that i can share some little part of me, if it means i get to see you share yours with me.

 

those pictures are not there to prove what i’ve been up to with my life

it’s a way of bridging out my life to others like you

 

because i wanted to believe that there’s still hope

that different life phases shouldn’t mean the end of communication

instead,

it’s a reason to link the unlinked because we share the earth like the stars share the same sky.

 

so yes,

i’m telling a part of my story through those pictures

that i got to a different place and then i finished what i think i have to do there

and now,

now i’m here

 

i’m in the same land as you are

i didn’t really think i’ve stayed away for a very long time

 

but i’m here now

i hope that it’s not the end of what could possibly be a continuation of how much we know each other

 

i don’t hate you

i don’t think i have anyone i hate

i just don’t know how to react

i don’t know what would be the best

 

i don’t know a lot of things

but i think i want to try

so that i don’t inflict hurt or receive hurt

even though sometimes, it’s not that easy.

 

a lot of things isn’t even truly real

i’m also just a person inside

i can’t read people’s hearts that well, and i can’t make my heart that well-read

i’m just trying to figure out the better way to live and let live

 

i grew up through different circumstances and became this

i don’t intend to blame anyone

i just hoped tht i could be better

so that i don’t become the heavy burden on someone’s shoulder or the large boulder on someone’s path

 

hoping that when you think of me, you won’t remember the difficulties that i might’ve put you through,

but rather,

the good things i’ve shared with you.

 

you don’t have to understand

 

just. believe. that hurting anyone around me is the last thing on my mind.

 

trust me. i never intend to hurt anyone’s heart because it’s the only thing inside us that makes things feel a little more tangible and real and perhaps more hopeful.

 

what i want most of the time is just: the benefit of the doubt

no matter whichever way i go

 

 

One comment on “you. all of you.

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