ok, fine.

Published January 28, 2012 by crystalights

maybe i’m jst being a worrywart

but i think, this time it’s probably just my pride taking over.

 

i’m used to people not understanding

but i can’t help but feel that this time, the fault really was not mine.

 

sbb tu aku mcm susah skit nk fix it

bcause i feel that it wasn’t my wrongdoings

 

it is not my fault that a few times when something goes unpretty my academic background becomes an arguing ticket for people

honestly it’s not like the credit was mine

it’s not even impressive or anything

aku bersyukur la dgn ape yg Allah bagi tapi aku tahu ni sume bukannye dtg dari aku and i’m not even flaunting it

bersyukur dan gembire tu aderla. tpi bukannye nk rub it in anybody’s faces ke aper

bukan nak bwat semahu hati atas tiket “tamat pengajian sarjana”

 

dah la sometimes i feel like i’m his trophy

but whatever, maybe i’m jst a paranoid pessimist

 

tapi sriously,

what can i do?

 

i think i’m jst carrying out my duty

as part of an ummah who was given an opportunity

 

i have to consider what he thinks or feel jgk

dier ckp sejak aku balik ni skali pn aku tk pnah pergi

ok fine;

forget the fact that i don’t live in kL,

i was in d middle of a few things,

i can’t just take the car and drive, i am trying to complete my driving license,

and i have a few people i have to see

and i’ve been kinda occupied with the job hunting and that prvious intrview

ok fine;

fine fine fine

even if all that is not reason enough

then can i ever have that opportunity to claim my fare share of the benefit of the doubt?

that i would’ve at least tried to not let these worldly things get to my head (?)

 

will i ever be free of the notion that my absence and response is a manifestation of my academic life?

 

i just..

i usually don’t even care

but this time i think i have to at least be a little concerned because i believe in reasons and purposes

and that there is something that i have to do no matter what for the sake of The One Who Created me.

 

sure i think i can protect my pride and walk away (like those many times bfore)

but then

i think i realize now that i have an obligation to protect this tie.

 

so what i feel is not important.

 

aku nak berusaha

walaupn aku rase mcm kne deal with somethng yg aku tak nak deal with pn

sbb aku tak nmpak ape2 s’lain dari persepsi peribadi seorg insan.

 

tapi tkpela

ok fine;

i’ll deal with it

 

i’ll take this,

fine.

 

bg aku personally, smbung blajar bukan satu benda utk dibanggakan,

smbung blajar aku ibaratkn mcm tnggungjawab diri jika berkemampuan.

 

ape yg aku nk banggekan? sume yg aku ada bukan dtg dari aku. knape pulak itu nk dikaitkn dgn bnda lain yg not even remotely directly related?

 

oh dear, TELL ME what on earth could i possibly HAVE done?

 

i’m not really into this topic anyway so

why bother

 

malasnye nk fikir abt these thngs

 

whatever.

fine.

you’re free to think.

 

fine fine fine.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: