maybe i’m jst being a worrywart
but i think, this time it’s probably just my pride taking over.
i’m used to people not understanding
but i can’t help but feel that this time, the fault really was not mine.
sbb tu aku mcm susah skit nk fix it
bcause i feel that it wasn’t my wrongdoings
it is not my fault that a few times when something goes unpretty my academic background becomes an arguing ticket for people
honestly it’s not like the credit was mine
it’s not even impressive or anything
aku bersyukur la dgn ape yg Allah bagi tapi aku tahu ni sume bukannye dtg dari aku and i’m not even flaunting it
bersyukur dan gembire tu aderla. tpi bukannye nk rub it in anybody’s faces ke aper
bukan nak bwat semahu hati atas tiket “tamat pengajian sarjana”
dah la sometimes i feel like i’m his trophy
but whatever, maybe i’m jst a paranoid pessimist
what can i do?
i think i’m jst carrying out my duty
as part of an ummah who was given an opportunity
i have to consider what he thinks or feel jgk
dier ckp sejak aku balik ni skali pn aku tk pnah pergi
forget the fact that i don’t live in kL,
i was in d middle of a few things,
i can’t just take the car and drive, i am trying to complete my driving license,
and i have a few people i have to see
and i’ve been kinda occupied with the job hunting and that prvious intrview
fine fine fine
even if all that is not reason enough
then can i ever have that opportunity to claim my fare share of the benefit of the doubt?
that i would’ve at least tried to not let these worldly things get to my head (?)
will i ever be free of the notion that my absence and response is a manifestation of my academic life?
i usually don’t even care
but this time i think i have to at least be a little concerned because i believe in reasons and purposes
and that there is something that i have to do no matter what for the sake of The One Who Created me.
sure i think i can protect my pride and walk away (like those many times bfore)
i think i realize now that i have an obligation to protect this tie.
so what i feel is not important.
aku nak berusaha
walaupn aku rase mcm kne deal with somethng yg aku tak nak deal with pn
sbb aku tak nmpak ape2 s’lain dari persepsi peribadi seorg insan.
i’ll deal with it
i’ll take this,
bg aku personally, smbung blajar bukan satu benda utk dibanggakan,
smbung blajar aku ibaratkn mcm tnggungjawab diri jika berkemampuan.
ape yg aku nk banggekan? sume yg aku ada bukan dtg dari aku. knape pulak itu nk dikaitkn dgn bnda lain yg not even remotely directly related?
oh dear, TELL ME what on earth could i possibly HAVE done?
i’m not really into this topic anyway so
malasnye nk fikir abt these thngs
you’re free to think.
fine fine fine.