last weekend we went to their house
it was actually my dad’s attempt for my adik to get a massage for his head injury.
i didn’t really agree but ok, let’s skip that part.
so we stayed at where we usually stay at
i got to meet them + abg zaid (woah it is kinda weird writing his name in my blog but whatever, i prefer writing the name of a naturally neutral party)
disclaimer: he is my abg saudara. we don’t really have conversations or any of those stuff, most of the time it’s jst me talking and him looking like he’s listening. which is fine with me).
i thought i didn’t wanna go but
before the trip my dad was trying to deliver his point which i wasn’t quite sure if i really agree with but ok, let’s skip that part as well.
not everyone thinks the same way but it’s ok, let’s skip it.
what’s important is that i didn’t decide to go because of people.
i’m doing it because i have this purpose that i believe in which is not human-centred.
i know myself and what i’m like
even if people may not always understand
it’s not always about me.
but overall the trip/visit was ok
i think we arrived there and arrived home on different days but in record speed.
i slept in the car but i can feel the vehicle vibrating like massively
i think it was 130-140kmph
i ate like 3 tangerines in one day
and lots and lots of roasted chestnuts
so today i woke up feeling like i’m hungover (as if i know what a hangover feels like, :-P) after eating those. trus rase cam sengal2 s’mcm.
sometimes some people want concrete, tangible things.
sometimes for some people it’s not enough to just understand.
sometimes people want it crystal clear and physically solidly uncontested and irrevocable.
like your dad asking for the serial number on your graduate scroll.
or when you’re told to check your account for the second time in 48hours even when you’re certain that there is no way that the balance will increase in two days.
or people not accepting that they have more than enough or at least enough to get by, saying that your life is better than theirs because it is their reason for becoming who they are.
i don’t think i have it easy,
i have things that i have to struggle for jgk.
i think this is life. for everyone.
and so my transcript’s finally here last week
so now i think i can use it for any upcoming applications ^__^
am i willling to let myself be entirely defined by these papers (?) no, i don’t think so.
it is a paper i use to try and get somewhere. it is not an ultimate goal.
same mcm sarjana tu. it is a tool for a bigger purpose.
not for worldly symbols or as a collection of achievement.
tapi sometimes bile kiter nak make a difference and induce positive changes dlm umat ni in this twisted world sometimes papers are a requirement
you know, sometimes even when we have our own way of things we have to play it by their rules (but still, we have our principles).
bile kiter nak “infiltrate” ke dalam jaring-jaring pasca modenisasi
sometimes byk la langkahnye yg kiter kene ambil sblm kiter mendarat di perbatasan
sblm kiter menjayekan matlamat besar kiter,
ada byk benda yg maybe kiter akan hadapi along the way.
dlm perjalanan yg pjg, anything can happen.
tapi, aku rase yg penting: cara perjuangan DAN matlamat perjuangan.
semata-mata utk siapa dan utk apa?
“Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang beriman, dan orang-orang yang berhijrah dan berjihad di jalan Allah, mereka itulah yang mengharapkan rahmat Allah. Allah Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang.” [Al-Baqarah: 218]
think about it.
in this life, when you fight and you struggle, what are you actually fighting or striving for?
adakah utk m’nunjukkan pada sesiape bahawe kiter telah “menang”?
atau utk kdudukan khidupan duniawi yg maksima?
atau kerana tanggungjawab di sini dan jgk pengharapan pd hari kebangkitan kita nnti?
do you wonder about what you’re looking for when you open your eyes each day?