so this morning was the interview.
this morning was also the day that my melbourne friends start classes again (i think. good day gals!).
hmm. how ironic that we’re all starting/doing something as a form of “beginning” (or something like that).
my parents, no matter how i look at it i think, their decisions are also important.
because they’re my parents.
no matter how difficult their views cannot entirely be put aside.
at some point i know i have to consider them in my life’s equation.
i guess i don’t have much to say about other people’s parents because all parents are not the same.
we’re not in the same shoes.
so smlm dh prepare2. siap2 print.
bangun pagi mandi and then berbaju kurung songket biru yg confirm2 pinjam (tak sure sape pemilik asal yg baik hati dermakn baju kurung tu kt fmily mak ^__^)
baju raye maaa?
pas tu a little bit more reading aftrwards and then
breakfast mkn choc cake (^__~)
pas 2 pkai stokin & sarung kasut singgah kdai utk siapkn salinan surat branak & some stuff.
by the time aku smpai, molek je duduk tggu giliran.
i tried talking to the other cndidate tapi dier mcm tak (nak) berckp. bile aku tanyer dier jst gerak2 badan, mcm tak (nak) kluarkan suare, huhu. so i just kept quiet and read my printed papers.
it turns out i’m d last candidate (sgt lame m’nunggu).
by the time aku msuk, it was more than an hour later.
and uhmm, they seem very welcoming but reluctant to employ me because..
..they think i will be “snatched away” anytime in the near future.
means that they were very concerned about me leaving this work because some other place will be calling me for work (according to them).
they keep implying that i will get up and leave and then they’ll face difficulties in getting someone else to teach.
we didn’t even go through the things that i prepared and printed, it was mostly just them talking about me and my plans. which was very nice and light-hearted and all, but i wasn’t sure what it meant for me in terms of this job.
i don’t know.
i don’t know how much of that (whatever they claim) is true.
but i do know that
even if i am employed,
it’s not really because of me and what i did,
it’s because Allah has determined the path that was written for me.
if i get or don’t get what i want,
it’s not BECAUSE OF ME.
if i get a job,
or get recognition
or get fame and/or fortune
or simply get whatever that a person could possibly want,
it’s because of the mercy that Allah has bestowed upon me and to all of mankind.
it’s not all MY EFFORTS and MY PASSION or whatever.
of course efforts and passion is as important, but the final determinant is Allah.
sbb tu i think, dari sisi manusia, kebergantungan terhadap Allah itu sgt besar ertinya.
kdg2 mgkin bile aku berusaha aku terlupe bahawa Dia lah yg menentukan segala natijah urusan2ku.
aku rase, klau tak berjalan sprti yg diingini, aku tak perlu beri pnjelasan pn pd pihak lain yg tak terlibat, slagi perkara tu tak affect mana2 pihak lain.
sbbnya, knape aku nk jelaskan sesuatu yg rasenye aku sekadar mampu berusaha dan bertawakal utknya, sdgkn yg menentukannya bukan aku.
dh memang kesudahannya bukan aku yg tntukan.
i don’t know what’ll happen next.
but i do try.
and i hope i don’t forget to at least bertawakal kpd-Nya.
aper2 yg Dia tntukan, itulah yg terbaik utkku.
mudah2an, jgnlah aku termasuk di klgn org2 yg berburuk sangka kpd Tuhanku, Amiin~