Published February 17, 2012 by crystalights

i’m not always ever-ready for anything wthout being at least a little overwhelmed or freaked out.


sometimes certain things freak me out.


like meeting people who are strangers to me but whom are acquaintances to my friends or family.

or answering my family’s phone from someone representing something over the line and trying my bst not to screw up anybody’s lives.



menyesal aku angkat telefon.

dh la call tak perkenalkan diri dulu, pas 2 tibe2 nk korek maklumat drpd org.

pas 2 bile org respond, lancar je jwb dgn nada sinis/sarcastic.

mane pergi budi bahase nye?

if you really wanna call my dad at his phone number is that the way you talk to someone as old as my dad?

my dad is almost as old as this country (or perhaps even older); even if it wasn’t my dad who answered, the least that you can do is show some respect.



aku m’mng rase byk bnda yg perlukan correction pun in this country. even more so than some other.

because this is our country, with our ummah in it. i believe that we are the ones who have to face it. aper2 kekurangan pun, kita rakyat negara ni, sbhgn dari umat Baginda s.a.w. ♦ Klau rase tak kena pun, bukan ke keje kita utk at least ada sikit usaha ke arah pembetulan tu, kan?


klau kita semua make an effort lillahi Ta’ala, insyaAllah siape tahu klau mgkin satu hari nnti org yg berpelajaran tinggi tak biadap berbicara, org berkedudukan tinggi tak mengamalkan korupsi, dan org yg dipilih mnjadi pemimpin tak mengkhianati amanah2nya. mgkin wktu tu, urusan riba’ dpt dikurangkan dan akhirnya terhapus bersih. dan tak perlulah ekonomi negara terjejas dgn rakyat2 yg dicengkam bebanan hutang2 ber”bunga”.


aku rase mcm marah pulak. i felt like i am automatically witholding information after i realized who this person on the phone might be.

i think i jst said that we (me and my adik) didn’t really “live” here. (because we only stayed here temporarily while we find a permanent thing to do elsewhere. so. it wasn’t entirely a lie, was it?)


tp aku rse uncmfortable kot. bile strangers just pry or barge “technically”, “physically” or just ‘verbally”.


memang tak selesa sgt dgn perbuatan mcm tu frm othr pple.

i mean if i wanna let anyone “in”, i wanna do it on my own terms. that is how “private” i can be sometimes.





tmorow ader seminar (insyaAllah)

i’m staying over at someone’s campus in gambang tnight.


i haven’t even met them yet before.

i hope evrythng goes well even though i’m a bit scared out of my elements fr the time being.

but whatever.

i’m trying to try to train myself to be ready to move for the sake of my duties as part of the ummah, insyaAllah.


lgpn, klau btul ader byk “kerosakan” yg belom dibetulkan, aku nk tahu jugak ape “kerosakannyer”.


anggap je la ini siasatan dan pencarian aku demi tujuan pnciptaanku, insyaAllah.




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