minggu ni kire mcm..minggu practise memandu.
sbnrnye smtimes i think i feel uncomfortable driving under supervision/evaluation.
i have to be able to drive jgk. so that i don’t have to dpend on pple bile ader urusan2 penting yg perlu aku hadapi.
kebergantungan pada manusia..buat aku rasa tak tenang.
my previous memories of human dependency..wasn’t all that great.
smtimes i think it’s frightening. to lay your trust on another soul. who, like some if not all human beings may tend to waver at some point of their lives because we ARE humans.
i feel uncomfortable when my instructor kinda “prep-talk” me after lessons
because i don’t want to be placated.
i don’t want some stranger tell me what i should or shouldn’t feel when driving gets tough for me.
i feel like that is an invasion of my right to feel/mourn/wallow/think/ponder/whatever.
what i feel, isn’t it private?
if i’m worried about driving, isn’t it my right to worry and/or think?
why do i need to be consoled as if i am in need of some form of molly-coddling?
i don’t want to be pacified as if my whole emotional stability depends on it.
it’s almost like i am denied of my rights. to feel and think the way that i want to. without being treated like an underaged needy kid.
there is a need inside me
..to be independent.
i am currently in d middle of driving practice sessions wit my mom.
and i have my note(s) that i bring (and refer to) while i drive.
simple one like: where to look, how many turns, what to do after stopping.
my dad was saying: learning to drive isn’t like studying in uni.
but to me i think, a lot of things are like studying in uni.
you have formal judgements. informal judgements. assesor. commentator. spectator. eyebrow-raiser(?). hokay whatever.
tuhan permudahkanlah utk aku siap slesai urusan lesen memandu ni, Amiin~