driving drama.

Published March 4, 2012 by crystalights

minggu ni kire mcm..minggu practise memandu.

sbnrnye smtimes i think i feel uncomfortable driving under supervision/evaluation.

but.

i have to be able to drive jgk. so that i don’t have to dpend on pple bile ader urusan2 penting yg perlu aku hadapi.

kebergantungan pada manusia..buat aku rasa tak tenang.

my previous memories of human dependency..wasn’t all that great.

smtimes i think it’s frightening. to lay your trust on another soul. who, like some if not all human beings may tend to waver at some point of their lives because we ARE humans.

 

i feel uncomfortable when my instructor kinda “prep-talk” me after lessons

because i don’t want to be placated.

i don’t want some stranger tell me what i should or shouldn’t feel when driving gets tough for me.

i feel like that is an invasion of my right to feel/mourn/wallow/think/ponder/whatever.

what i feel, isn’t it private?

if i’m worried about driving, isn’t it my right to worry and/or think?

why do i need to be consoled as if i am in need of some form of molly-coddling?

i don’t want to be pacified as if my whole emotional stability depends on it.

it’s almost like i am denied of my rights. to feel and think the way that i want to. without being treated like an underaged needy kid. 

 

i think

there is a need inside me

..to be independent.

 

so yup.

i am currently in d middle of driving practice sessions wit my mom.

and i have my note(s) that i bring (and refer to) while i drive.

simple one like: where to look, how many turns, what to do after stopping.

my dad was saying: learning to drive isn’t like studying in uni.

but to me i think, a lot of things are like studying in uni.

you have formal judgements. informal judgements. assesor. commentator. spectator. eyebrow-raiser(?). hokay whatever.

mudah2an,

tuhan permudahkanlah utk aku siap slesai urusan lesen memandu ni, Amiin~

 

2 comments on “driving drama.

  • nad, somehow aku tak setuju with the part where you felt like you were denied of your right to worry. I think all of those people who tried to pacify or console you when you are worried are just trying to be human. they want you to feel safer, better bout things (in your case; driving). especially driving, susah kalau kita rasa takut, cuak dan yang sewaktu dengannya masa drive sebab your life and others’ may depend on it. masa drive kena confident tau nad. but i bet u already know that kan. lagipun, bila cnfident, you’ll feel at ease while driving. kalau tak, rasa stress je bila drive. the whole experience of driving will not be enjoyable. and trust me, driving is enjoyable sebenarnya especially untuk kita-kita yang tak suka depend on others (kecuali kau tengan penat & terpaksa drive la).

    ok. just my two cent.

  • i dont knoe..maybe i feel/think that way sbb kdg2 aku rase dier jgk yg mcm agak “vocal” during lessons pas tu dier nak “prep-talk”/placate me pulak aftrwards. u knoe, it’s like dlm cerite lanchang kuning bile buah nangka/cempedak dh diambik eventually sultan tak bleh accept any consolation bcause tht particular nangka/cempedak is gone.
    d deed is done. even when you tampal balik d kulit, you cannot un-eat a fruit.
    but of course that’s not a very good example bcause it’s just a fruit eaten by a craving, pregnant woman whose husband is off-shore (like literally).
    but. yeah. relatively it’s tht kind of theory i guess.
    or maybe i just hav those “twisted” issues going on in my head, hahah.

    P/S: i’m not sure if tht ws really frm lanchang kuning (or was it frm dayang smthng ? idek)

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