it’s complicated.

Published April 7, 2012 by crystalights

i think

i am a private person, afterall.

ada byk benda yg happen in my life yg aku tak share dgn semua org. sbb. aku tak suka kot. nak completely share everything i experienced.

i don’t even feel comfortable sharing the reason why i don’t wanna share. all that.

sbb nnti ceritanya pjg. aku tak mahu.

 

so.

sometimes i’m not completely sure if this side of me hurts people: that i refuse to share my private thoughts and feelings and experiences with the entire population who knows the me that i put forth- which really isn’t the complete me that i myself know.

i think it’s complicated.

 

i think i have to think about what i share.

what i say.

what words i choose to spew out: by mouth or in writing.

because you can never really know which one of those words would bring forth undesirable circumstances.

trust me, i think i know what that’s like.

 

even when you don’t intend to bring such unfortunate circumstances upon the situation,

you just can never truly know where and what those words will put you (and other people) through.

 

so yes.

i think i might have a problem with the ‘conceited’+’reckless’ kind of attitude when people just say whatever they want, whenever they want to, even when it isn’t completely true and isn’t completely appropriate.

especially when it’s completely presumptuous. and pompous. and self-flatteringly ridiculous.

 

yes.

i like writing like this.

where i put together words that might all mean similarly the same but describe each of it so specifically that there is very little room for people to actually interpret it any more different than i intend it to be-

because i don’t want it to mean anything other than what i intend it to mean-

not to hurt or to patronize

but actually to give a little exposure and a small reminder-

that careless, thoughtless words can be unconsciously damaging,

whether you realize it or not.

if it doesn’t damage you, it might damage or affect the people around you.

 

so yes.

don’t assume that you’re special,

that the whole world revolves around you.

don’t assume that things work because of you,

as if you are the reason that all good people persevere in all the good things.

don’t assume that people would move mountains because of you.

as if you deserve it. as if you are the reason why everything is worth every effort.

don’t assume that people need you like they need the sense of rightfulness in their hearts

because you are only you-

a human being

with human character and emotions and capacity

and you are only able to do things that Allah has willed for you to do or achieve.

you are not the reason for all good things,

you are the product of good, good things.

 

you didn’t get all that you have because you completely deserved it,

but rather, it has always been Allah’s mercy upon you that you are given what you’ve been given.

 

and that is why

i think i feel like i can see how

my close friends don’t treat me any differently even after so much has passed all this while

as if we are all still the same

because money, position, life status and accomplishments doesn’t change the way we are among us

no one has to treat anyone differently just because of what we’ve become

 

so yeah.

i don’t find it that desirable to share my private side with people,

because some characters are a bit tough to tolerate,

and my weakness is that i don’t have a lot of patience.

 

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